Prospective Democratic nominee Barack Obama was wrapping up his recent Hawaiian vacation when asked for his thoughts on what some have begun to call a new form of Cold War.
"It's a delicate situation," responded Obama. "You don't want to allow your teeth to linger too long in the ice. The situation demands more of a surgical strike. It's a strategy I've developed through hours of consultation with many of my almost three hundred advisers. That goes for your lips, as well," he said. "You sort of get this numbness I haven't experienced since I gave up Coke. And, of course, you don't want to just eat it, especially too fast. Man, the headache from that is unreal!"
This one time at band camp....
Posted by: cranky | Saturday, August 16, 2008 at 06:36 PM
..."this numbness I haven't experienced since I gave up Coke."
He totally means those old skool Coke Icees.
See? We all ate Icees!
Buy American. He's American!
Or, wait... he could have just worked at a 7-11.
In which case, he's definitely not American.
Man. If only there were a legitimate Certificate of Live Birth or some such...
Just kidding ya'll... I don't believe that shit.
Except...
Why haven't they produced it again?
Nah...
Posted by: Lamontyoubigdummy | Saturday, August 16, 2008 at 09:19 PM
"You don't want to allow your teeth to linger too long in the ice."
That is so true.
That's why Al Gore's Polar Bears are dying.
"Seal SnoCones."
The poor dumb bears are dying of 'brain freeze.'
"The One" is so right.
Which makes Al Gore an asshat. But the Lamb of Chicago knows what ails the Bears Polar.
"The One" will lower sea levels and fix those seals and their SnoCone machines good and proper.
The Chicago Way.
OBAMA THROUGH '14! (The messiah get's 8-10 years, remember?...yuze dummies gotta keep up).
Goatse Salute!!!
Posted by: Lamontyoubigdummy | Saturday, August 16, 2008 at 09:44 PM
Dan?
I'm mostly a lurker here and have only recently commented out of a, "Goddamnit, that's it" kind of mentality, but...
Any chance you switch the comment chronology to 'top/bottom'?
I'm a reasonably smart chap, and have almost commented to my own comments twice now.
Plus I drink.
But don't count that.
Last post at the bottom, eh?
Please?
Posted by: Lamontyoubigdummy | Saturday, August 16, 2008 at 11:54 PM
Done.
Posted by: Dan Riehl | Sunday, August 17, 2008 at 12:26 AM
"Man. If only there were a legitimate Certificate of Live Birth or some such..."
You know what, I bet you DO believe that garbage. The State of Hawaii has come out and said what's posted is genuine, do you have a problem with that?
Posted by: Spartan112 | Sunday, August 17, 2008 at 06:58 AM
"Plus I drink."
Well that explains everything.
Posted by: Spartan112 | Sunday, August 17, 2008 at 06:59 AM
Good on ya Dan...
I got up just to see if you did it.
Ok, that's a lie. Got up to do 3 miles on the road.
Made 2 miles...and puked (18 yr old) Scotch.
Damn shame.
I'll swim later or walk 18 holes with just my 7 Iron or something (get off my back).
In the mean time, I'm firing up some huevos rancheros and watching the sunrise.
Before those assholes at CERN figure out that LHC, make tons of strangelets, and little black holes, and kill us all...
...but thanks to Dan, this site will now go down the 'black holes' last post first.
Sweet.
Posted by: Lamontyoubigdummy | Sunday, August 17, 2008 at 07:03 AM
"You know what, I bet you DO believe that garbage."
How did you know!?
Duuuude... you're totally in my 'Oprah Book Club, aren't you?!'
Which one of my neigbors are you?
Sneaky asshole.
This is all because I liked 'Catcher in the Rye,' isn't it?
Posted by: Lamontyoubigdummy | Sunday, August 17, 2008 at 07:13 AM
2 miles? What's the point? You're doing the hardest 2 miles that way, the first and the last. Drink less, run more.
Posted by: Spartan112 | Sunday, August 17, 2008 at 07:26 AM
'Plus, I drink.'
"Well that explains everything."
It sure does Nancy boy.
I'm WAY smarter than you, it's 6:15AM, and I've been on the road 30 minutes at speed.
...and you're still snug as a bug...alone...in your super sexy 'JUICY' briefs.
Happenin' Saturday Night, vato?
Posted by: Lamontyoubigdummy | Sunday, August 17, 2008 at 07:27 AM
Christ, you're up!
Kuddos slick.
Eastern?
Posted by: Lamontyoubigdummy | Sunday, August 17, 2008 at 07:29 AM
I bet you still have on the 'Juicy' briefs though.
Or wait...he has a lot'a logos & shit...
OMG... You're wearing O! Underoos aren't you?
On a Sunday.
Wait!
You can probably bless stuff in those Underoos!
Posted by: Lamontyoubigdummy | Sunday, August 17, 2008 at 07:34 AM
Yup, been up for about an hour and a half and now I'm off on a bike ride...get out and run you lazy bum.
Posted by: Spartan112 | Sunday, August 17, 2008 at 07:35 AM
Quick!
Somebody get Spartan two fish & a loaf of bread before he strips out'a those 'Obama Underoos' and gets in the shower!
(You better give half that shit to those poor folks in Georgia, you 'proxy by underwear, low rent Jesus.')
Posted by: Lamontyoubigdummy | Sunday, August 17, 2008 at 07:42 AM
..."now I'm off on a bike ride...get out and run you lazy bum."
I did that...for a while (over inclines, rock and gravel).
Plus I had sex for hours last night.
I was AWESOME!
I know because she looked exausted when I paid her this morning.
Worn. Out. Buddy.
Your bike ride is probably over cotton candy and smooth black top (oh shit, I said 'black' top...Now I'm racist).
Lemme try something that worked on another site...
'I denounce myself.'
That ok?
Posted by: Lamontyoubigdummy | Sunday, August 17, 2008 at 07:57 AM
Runnnnn Forest, runnnnnnnnn!
Posted by: Spartan112 | Sunday, August 17, 2008 at 07:59 AM
You're contributing much more intelligent talk to Obama than he's capable of.
Posted by: Alice H | Sunday, August 17, 2008 at 09:50 AM
yeah, that's right the editor of the Harvard Law Review is a dummy...unlike the guy who graduated at the bottom of his class..
Posted by: Spartan112 | Sunday, August 17, 2008 at 11:01 AM
There's no such thing as "smooth" black top in Central Massachusetts.
Posted by: Spartan112 | Sunday, August 17, 2008 at 11:03 AM
"You're contributing much more intelligent talk to Obama than he's capable of."
On the contrary...Obama aside...I'm not contributing a goddamn thing, thank you very much.
Posted by: Lamontyoubigdummy | Sunday, August 17, 2008 at 11:11 AM
"Central Massachusetts!?"
Well that explains it.
All that snow, and court ordered gay marriage. Queers just tackling you and dragging you up the isle with a warrant in hand, aren't they?
That must be awful.
Come on down to Texas.
We have hot women for that sorta thing.
You'll dig it.
Swear to God.
Posted by: Lamontyoubigdummy | Sunday, August 17, 2008 at 11:18 AM
Texas? Nope, the cycling is lousy...too flat for this hill climber.
And trust me, I'd rather marry a guy than a woman from Texas.
Posted by: Spartan112 | Sunday, August 17, 2008 at 11:48 AM
"I'd rather marry a guy than a woman from Texas."
Well, if you're a heterosexual....you're one of the dumbest on Earth.
Nevermind, you gave up your 12 yrs married in the other thread.
Dallas girls will still make your pants go, "I Can Haz Cheezburger Now?"
Posted by: Lamontyoubigdummy | Sunday, August 17, 2008 at 12:54 PM
I like'em with a tad less hairspray and more brains. Guess that's just a personal preference though.
Posted by: Spartan112 | Sunday, August 17, 2008 at 03:13 PM