Winners Announced

“The Hatemonger’s Quarterly” Fifth Annual Horrible College-Student Poetry Competition: And the Winner Is…

And this is only the fourth runner up:

how R U racist? let me kount teh wayz
U R racist cuz U R (white)
U R racist bai dai n nite,
U R racist cuz U fite
teh ones who teech (equality).
U R racist cuz U dwell
on mai lak of skilz at spell(ing)
U R racist cuz U talk (white)
ai reelee can(not) stand the site,
uv U talking (white)...
ai seez U, (white), az uh sheet,
KKK reddy 2 beet... (me)
(white) az AmeriKKKa!
racist AmeriKKKa!
U R racist cuz U deny teh (truth),
the fundu(mental) equazhun...
racist=(white)

Comments

[Fred Beloit]

Who says poetry is dead? It's just that it it grievously ill.

When they took the net down
And all foul lines were erased
What happened to tennis?
Where is the new McEnroe?

[seekeronos]

My word!

That is worse than Vogon poetry:

"---
O freddled gruntbuggly...

...thy micturations are to me
As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee.
Groop I implore thee,
my foonting turlingdromes.
And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles,
Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon,
see if I don’t!
---"

But hopefully not as bad as "Ode To A Small Lump Of Green Putty I Found In My Armpit One Midsummer Morning" by the poetmaster of the Azgoths of Kria, one Grunthos the Flatulent:

"---
Putty. Putty. Putty.
Green Putty - Grutty Peen.
Grarmpitutty - Morning!
Pridsummer - Grorning Utty!
Discovery..... Oh.
Putty?..... Armpit?
Armpit..... Putty.
Not even a particularly
Nice shade of green.
---"

(quotes gratuitously lifted from Douglas Adams "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy").

[seekeronos]

That third runner up is pretty noxious as well --- this "C-Mortar" person must be some kind of hermaphrodite with leaky equipment.

Yeeeks!

[IslamoLlama]

And all written by wingnuts.

It's always amusing to see wingers bitch and moan about not being taken seriously as intelligent and rational human beings right before they go out of their way to prove the case against them.

High quality.

[seekeronos]

"--- And all written by wingnuts. ---"

Eh? Are you smoking that "Whacko Tobacco" again, Islamoe?

The stuff I quoted below is from Douglas Adam's Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. I'm not sure what his political alignment was, but being that he is a dead Englishman, I hardly suspect that he has any weight on our elections.

Also, the undiluted crap published as "poetry" on the linked website is your typical Amerikkka hating leftist garbage.

You really ought to pull those marshmallows out of your eyes and read a little.

[IslamoLlama]

"-- Also, the undiluted crap published as "poetry" on the linked website is your typical Amerikkka hating leftist garbage. --"

Really? Because all I see is wingnut screeds passed as "poetry by leftists". Projectionism at its best, or perhaps some deeply repressed white guilt that's manifesting in the most juvenile of manners. I know 3rd graders who can do better than "I'm going to make up stupid poetry and say it was written by you because then you'll be stupid *big raspberry*"

I know the conservative mind has a hard time grasping poetry in general. Their preferred form of communication is through horn-honks by famous NASCAR drivers, right? Very tribal and primitive, but certainly still creative and artistic. Still, playing "*dur* I'm a stupid elitist" doesn't really tickle the funny bone of your standard non-wingnut. I mean stack these comedy stylings up with the laugh riot that is a Dennis Miller rant and the ratings bonanza of the Half-Hour News Hour, and you might begin to understand why conservative comedian is an oxymoron. You might also begin to understand why the conservative core is getting smaller and crazier with every passing year. I give it till 2010 before people start passing out the tin-foil hats.

From the party that brought you "Gay Marriage will destroy America", we give you "Poetry iz 4 stoopids!!1!".

[seekeronos]

Ok, I had to take a look at the actual posters' blogs linked from the main Hatemonger's Quarterly item to see what you were talking about.

At least two of the posts were made by folks who identify as politically conservative.

So I guess I'll eat some crow on that account... but for all my experience sub-par college level poetry with its lefty-politicized content and typically semi-literate construction, I was hoodwinked!

On the upshot, I now have two more conservative-leaning blogs to check out. So thanks for the help in pulling the marshmallows out of _my_ eyes.

[WAHOO WILLIE]

"Really? Because all I see is wingnut screeds passed as "poetry by leftists"."

How terribly sad it must be to go through life sans a sense of humor. Let's all hope that when we get "free" health care Pookie will get a giggle implant.

[IslamoLlama]

"-- So I guess I'll eat some crow on that account... but for all my experience sub-par college level poetry with its lefty-politicized content and typically semi-literate construction, I was hoodwinked! --"

Shorter Seek: Colage stoodentz ar stoopid.

The always classical, always entertaining argument from ignorance. Still, it's understandable that when confronted with sub-par elementary school level poetry with righty-politicized content and deliberately illiterate construction, some people could suffer confusion. Namely, other far-right politicos.

How many people on these boards have woken up in the morning, looked in a mirror, and shouted the phrase, "Oh my god! Stupid evil liberal!"? I wonder.

[seekeronos]

"--- Still, it's understandable that when confronted with sub-par elementary school level poetry with righty-politicized content and deliberately illiterate construction, some people could suffer confusion. Namely, other far-right politicos. ---"

Not really.

Us folk here in winger-land disdain poetry, especially that sort of angsty-artsy-fartsy stuff as being largely pretentious and full of useless fluff.

The poetry contest at Hatemonger's Quarterly was an exception to that, to which I admit missing at first glance.

We much rather would get to the point of ridiculing y'all hippies and commies who think "Amerikkka" is the Great Satan, and that a free market economy is the root of all evil.

Sadly for y'all, it ain't. It's a great country.

[Yoda]

I presume a translation is available somewhere?

[bobInStamford]

Here's a poem for you patriots:

Roses are Red
Your Leader is Yellow
Your Candidate McSame
Is an Angry Old Fellow

Mission Accomplished, 28%ers!

[Concerned Citizen]

Bill Cosby on Rev. Wright
Article from Wall Street Journal:

“Rev.Wright epitomizes the thoughts and actions that have prevented and continue to prevent black America from moving ahead and achieving their potential as a people. He suggests that this United States of America made up of sons and daughters of immigrants (I’m talking of the millions of 1st, 2nd, 3rd generation immigrants in this country) of every race, creed, color and religion each and everyone of them who had nothing to do with slavery, some how owe something to a group of people who have never been slaves? Its amazing. It seems everyone is to blame for the shambles black society is in with its violence, drugs, high school drop out rates, misogyny, and a host of other real and virulent problems, except for the very people who engage in such behavior.
Enough. As a society, culture or people, they should look within themselves and fix their problems.
When did this man become the spokesman for the ‘black church’? And of course his church is different, but that doesn’t mean his message and philosophy is acceptable, or productive or non-offensive or not-racist or indicative or our greater cultural behaviors, values and norms Americans.
And yes, the link between this man and Obama really does matter. At a very minimum, it provides insight into the political and philosophical strain that Obama adheres to.”

[bobInStamford]

You heroes inspire me!

Roses are Red
Your Next President is Black
Only One Year Left
To 'Win' in Iraq.

Thank you all for your service!

[Anybody but Obama the Red]

Lesssee....

ACORN is Red
Obama likes commies
Reparations he'll demand
for single black mommies

[BobInStamford]

The flow just isn't there, patriot. Try this:

Their Necks are Red
Their Gas is 4 Dollars
Bush Is Their Leader
Hope They Enjoy Squalor!

Thank you for your service just the same though!

[Ms Snarky Doucher (say Doo SHAY)]

Excellent, Boob. It is so rare to see uncommon talent put to such good use.

He hates nascar
Won't own a guitar
Lives in a mom's cellar
What a witty young feller.

He finds something amiss?
Why that is just chris
Boob's alter ego
Where Boob goes "we" go.

They live in Connecticut
And from there seek to undercut
Other geographies
And Righty philosophies.

Their heroes are Obama
And Boob's landlord, his momma.
Not the momma of Obama
But the Boob's own momma.

With a platform of hate
They go off to debate
Without humor or facts
Using pithy attacks.

But forgive their peccadillos
These callow young fellows.
May age give them wisdom
And keep them from prison.

[BobInStamford]

Some people have too much free time. Anyway:

The Streets of Baghdad are Red,
Your Brave Leader is Blue.
Enlist Today,
Iraq Needs You.

Complete the mission!

[templar knight]

Hmm...I like poetry.

Roses are red,
Boob's president is high yellow,
He'll turn the country over,
To all the foreign fellows.

[templar knight]

Here's another one for you, Boob, on a personal note:

My neck is red,
Boob's face is blue,
I'm having grilled steak,
While he's eating his poo.

[BobInStamford]

Typical backward con - no originality. Be sure not to give your daughter a bad cut of steak just because she's a lesbian. Remember, Jesus loves her too!

[ptg]

This is what happens when one lets his tapeworm do his thinking.

[seekeronos]

Obama's a Red, a scary Red too
and so is Bob's very best part
a wry little tapeworm named "chris"
who provides Bob's only smarts.

A sockpuppet and loser Bob is
armed with talking points worn
over and over and over again
tooting his single-note horn.

Obama's a Marxist nutter
who with a l'il Red Book
and with Bob's tapeworm too
hopes for victory by hook or by crook.

[bobInStamford]

THe rednecks and Jeebus Freeks are hung up on Commies. Don't you patriots remember that the senile old man 'defeated' communism? Then he took a nap - but that's another story.

[Fred Beloit]

"Even the French Get It [Kathryn Jean Lopez]
Why doesn't Obama?" MISSION BEING ACCOMPLISHED.

http://corner.nationalreview.com/post/?q=ODk5YmFjZTFkZTk3YzBkYzg1MmNiNDNiNmE2MDQzMzc=

[Fred Beloit]

It seems from the latest non-MSM news that Iraq will become a free democracy. Let us for a moment imagine this. Now let us imagine Obama going before the American electorate and saying:

"Well, yes, I have been wrong about Iraq since forever. But you can see that, aside from this one little mistake, I should be the next Commander in Chief. Let us move on together."

[Fred Beloit]

From V. D. Hanson at The Corner:

"But surely the US military contributed a great deal to the humiliation of al-Qaedists and the bankruptcy of their cause, since it has (1) killed thousands of generic jihadists, and to such a degree that the former Middle East romance of going to Iraq to fight the weak crusaders is now synonymous with a death sentence and defeat;..."

[templar knight]

Typical commie response, Bolshevik Bob, always downplaying the threat of communism and totalitarianism to civilization, hoping to fool the public just one more time.

[IslamoLlama]

"-- Typical commie response, Bolshevik Bob, always downplaying the threat of communism and totalitarianism to civilization, hoping to fool the public just one more time. --"

WOLVERINES!

Lols. You guys are fantastic.

[e. brown]

notwithstanding the ignorance of stupid assholes who say things like "white = racist", or "i know the conservative mind has a hard time grasping poetry in general" ...

ask yourself what political party the "author" of that prize-winning "poetry" might belong to. can there be any doubt? that offensive, ignorant, racist, stereotyping creed is a wonderful example of the liberal "mind" at work.

ah, well. i guess that means we can make wholesale derogatory generalizations about black folks now, huh? the racist precedent has been set, right? i know the liberal mind has a hard time grasping logic in general, but even THEY ought to be able to puzzle this out.

[IslamoLlama]

From e.brown:
"-- ask yourself what political party the "author" of that prize-winning "poetry" might belong to. can there be any doubt? that offensive, ignorant, racist, stereotyping creed is a wonderful example of the liberal "mind" at work.

ah, well. i guess that means we can make wholesale derogatory generalizations about black folks now, huh? the racist precedent has been set, right? i know the liberal mind has a hard time grasping logic in general, but even THEY ought to be able to puzzle this out. --"

From Hatemonger's Quarterly:

"-- Despite all our differences—black and white; young and old; Obama-supporting and sane—one thing binds us together: We all despise college students. And rightfully so, we must add. After all, is anything more annoying than the appalling illiteracy of these self-indulgent, lazy proto-drunkards? We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” collectively think not.

But there is one way you can get back at these obnoxious upper-middle-class acquaintance rapists. You can tease them ceaselessly by composing your own execrable verse in the style of inept collegiate balladry. That is to say, dear reader, you can write a poem in the pathetic manner of today’s self-important college student. --"

Shorter e.brown: Ignorance means never having to explain why you're an asshole.

[WAHOO WILLIE]

"Ignorance means never having to explain why you're an asshole."

THAT'S FREEKIN' CLASSIC!!! Being a hated college student you had to have stolen that....From wince?