Inside Blogging: How I Made Ace My Bitch!

All things considered, I'd prefer to not turn on a fellow conservative blogger. But when someone turns on you and your specialty, someone who knows next to nothing about web sleuthing and has confessed in group email to knowing nothing more about Google, than maybe that it has two O's ... well, sorry, but the freaking gloves are coming off.

Dan Riehl Has Finally Gone Frickin' Bananas —Ace

It's not an insult, it's an intervention.

Now let me tell you all a little something about my good buddy Ace so you can peak his hole card the way I have, something you might not know if you've never collaborated with him on anything.

My man Ace, purveyor of the Internet's purportedly most dangerous, if not deadly skull and cross bones Ace HQ Death Card ... uh huh! Well, once you know a little something about how that particular Death Card came to be, it might not seem so menacing, after all. And Ace might just find out the jokes been on him all this time. See, I designed that death card for him. Just ask him! Assuming he tells you the truth.

You've heard about people who have a word they match in the dictionary? Well, my man Ace, he gets two - Anal and Retentive. That SOB drove me nucking futz for the better part of a month, late, every damned night designing that stupid card AND I WAS DOING THE WORK FOR FREE!!!

I don't like this .. I don't like that. Ohhhhh, what about the little handles on the swords? Do you think they look okayyyyy, Dan???? Jesus Christ, it was madness. And the Skull. Yes, the Skull. That was it, that was the big problem. That's what finally drove me over the edge.

I just don't know about that skull, either, Dan. Can we, maybe, just maybe change it a little, just one more sad-assed, utterly effin' ridiculous time, again, Dan?? Pwettty Pwuleaseeee???

Friends and fellow bloggers, I kid you not - it got so ... just, so sad. The man is insane!

I was about ready to drive to New york and slap the purveyor of the infamous Death Card up side the head ... maybe use his buddy Goldstein's dick, since he seems to like swingin' it at things.

So, finally, one night, I friggin had it. I was fed up. And I decided I was going to do something about it ... something sneaky and sort of evil, maybe. You know, something worthy of a REAL web sleuth cum Death Card designer like me. And so I did.

And now I'm going to share the raw files that, if you're a fan, will tell you more than you'll want to know about the Great Ace and his ooooooh so skkkkkary card of death.

He doesn't know it, but it's also impacted his blogging, having it sitting there on his banner all this time.

Just look below - it's the tip of the Ace is Obsessed with Glenn Greenwald iceberg - at least four posts yesterday alone and, if I wanted to go look, I could find hundreds more. And that dipstick, Ace, says I'm the one that's bananas? Oh, I don't think so my Death Card throwing, Mencken quoting, blogging friend. And, puhlease ... don't even get me started on the spec-ing of the typeface for the damned banner. I can't bare to even revisit that tortuous process, not even in thought. I must have had to download three dozen new fonts before we were through.

Like A Young, Hairless Curtis LeMay, Gen. Glenn Greenwald Dares To Insult His Commander-In-Chief
—Ace

Rick Ellensberg Rates The Russkies -- They're Pussies!—Ace

General Glenn "Blood and Guts" Greenwald
—Ace

Glen Ellison Ellensberg Ellers Greenwald Trots Out Chickenhawk Argument Yet Again
—Ace

Now, I'll let you all in on a little secret ... Ace's secret, which, up until now, even Ace didn't know. His obsession with Greenwald? It isn't his doing. It's mine.

Just take a look.

That's right ... the Skull ... the Skull ... the freaking Skull. That's what did it. That's when I snapped. After more than two dozen rejected versions I finally found the bone structure that worked just right ... for me, and a dastardly bit of revenge! That's right. The model for the Mighty Ace's Skull of Death was none other than merengue man-boy himself, Ace's greatest obsession ... Mr. Glenn Greenwald in the flesh.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!

And as for his debunking of my debunking? From a guy who knows about as much about web sleuthing, as he does Tigger, or designing banners? Fah-git about it. Tigger didn't go after that kid. And anyone who knows anything about web sleuthing, like I do, could easily prove it.

Why the hell would he pick a fight? Everyone knows Tigger hits like a friggin little girl.

Come to think about it, strike that. Tigger doesn't so much hit like a girl. Actually he probably hits more like Ace.

So, bring it on my blog buddy with a Death Card designed on the Left's most notorious NY Time's Best Selling author, drone-on, post after post, sock puppet, cabana boy smokin', crack pot.

Bring on the Death Card my conservative brutha. Now the whole world knows ... you ain't so bad. You been blogging for over a year with a sock puppet looking over your shoulder in your banner ... and I been sittin' back just taking it all in for laughs.

You think I'm crazy? Well, you're damn right I am. But then I don't know one SOB around here, including you and me, who's been blogging for any length of time that isn't as nutty as Greenwald and his cabana-boy friend loose on Fire Island for a long weekend in Spring, do you?

You wanna come after me? Well, go for it, bucko! But don't think I won't come back at you ... and your little Death Card, too!

Comments

[Uncle Pinky]

Well played, Sir.

[Cindi]

Jeezus, and I can't even get a box big enough to fit my christmas present, but you give Ace all this attention!

[Pinko Punko]

You guys are actually being hilarious. I'm happily surprised!

[Theresa, MSgt (ret), USAF]

I certainly hope this blows over quickly and you two kiss and make up. There is nothing more disgusting than right wing chickenhawks attacking each other. Especially since the leftard world is a utopia of idiocy which needs bitch slapping daily. You two knock it off and play nice for fuck sake.

[Phoenix]

Hey, Cindi,

What Christmas present is that?

I knew it was a mass-emailing.

I am so hurt. :| <---- pursed lips.

[Phoenix]

Theresa,

Is your last name 'Ratchet'?

[Dave in Texas]

Too effin funny. The skull -

I'm speechless.

[Silk]

That's good stuff. I can't imagine how you came up with that.

[Bob]

While Dan's just playing around here, I think there's definitely some truth to the tale of Ace obsessing over every little detail of his new death card design. It's probably about, oh, I don't know 100% true or so. I remember him posting some of the works in progress to his blog and, yes, him worrying about the size of the sword handles, among (many) other things. It's a DEATH CARD and he's fussing over it like a neurotic metrosexual trying to pick the best hair product...