Happy Holidays My Azz

If one more idiot smiles, shakes my hand and says "Happy Holidays" today, I think I'm going to grab them by the throat and squeeze.

Actually, it's funny watching their expressions when I smile back and say "Have a Merry effin' Christmas ... you politically correct SOB!" Okay, I leave the "effin'" and also the last part out, in keeping with the Holiday spirit and all.

But this nonsense that Merry Christmas has somehow been replaced by Happy Holidays works my last nerve. I do say Happy Holiday to Jewish friends when I'm aware of their beliefs. Everyone else can deal with Merry Christmas, or shove a candy cane up their azz.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Comments

[splashtc]

the menorrah next to the christmas display? it doesn't equal the importance of Christmas. How's that for political uncorrectness.

[Happy Holidays!]

Happy Holidays!

[Stormy70]

I don't know when someone is Jewish, so I use Happy Holidays. I don't do this to be politically correct, though.

Just the way I roll.

[jack]

Happy holidays!

[anon]

"Happy Holidays" = "Merry Christmas and Happy New Year," you fuckin' moron.

[Dan Riehl]

What a bunch of scrooges. Someone should kill you all - far better for anger problems than self-help books! ; )

yer welcome.

[Phoenix]

Brit is my one 'for sure' TV shows. Tonight at the end, they showed all the people behind the scenes in groups, and they all got to wish everyone holiday greetings. There was everything - happy holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year. At the end, Brit and his buds all gave out a loud MERRY CHRISTMAS! to all. It was nice. It seemed as if no one had been told what they had to say, and all were genuinely wishing the best.

Happy holidays seems cheap to me. Not everyone gets a holiday. It is Christmas. Besides, don't 78% of us hate the holidays?

[Phoenix]

oooh. Okay, Dan.

I forgot to mention that the suicide rate goes up over the holidays.

.
sheeesh... :)

[ze]

What the heck is wrong with everyone it's only Merry Christmas.

[splashtc]

kinda harsh Dan. Santa might put you on his naughty list.

[Phoenix]

Naughty list?

Cool. Maybe he'll wake up to find Miss Nevada in his stocking.

[larkspur]

Merry Christmas, Dan. I am sorry the season has been so unpleasant for you. I am not a Christian, but since so many of my friends and neighbors are, I totally want them to be merry and happy, and feeling the joy. So - Merry Christmas. Hope you catch some of the Christmas wonderfulness. And pass it on.

[Christy]

Yes Dan, I'm sure that's just the way Jesus would have handled it.
Way to keep the faith.

[-asx-]

Dan's Christmas message: Total obedience to my Christian message of love ... or else I will grab you by the throat and squeeze.

Dan, you're ill. I mean this totally seriously. There's something wrong in your head. You need help.

[Dan Riehl]

Dan, you're ill.

LMAO Yes, I am ill for allowing a bunch of idiots with no sense of humor on here. But, what the hell, most are liberals and they need a good home! ; )

[Guest]

But your blog is not funny, and there's no such thing as a "liberal."

[Pinko Punko]

Happy Christ-meh-s!

But what about Boxing Day?

[tb]

I don't think many people are going to be wishing you a merry christmas or happy holidays with your shitty fucking attitude.

[funkyb0ss]

I think I'm going to grab them by the throat and squeeze

Someone should kill you all

C'mon man...really? At some point the "I was just kidding" bit doesn't work anymore.

and also (r.e. Ellison):

Certainly we don't want to persecute law abiding Muslims with no ill feelings toward the West

You mean that? THEN LET THE GUY DO HIS FUCKING JOB!!! Leave him alone!! There are upwards of a billion Muslims in this world, and it MIGHT behoove us not to treat the ONLY ONE in our government like a criminal. He was elected, by his constituents, to serve them after all....

wait...never mind...you don't care...at least you don't seem to

[Cindi]

I forgot to mention that the suicide rate goes up over the holidays.

.
sheeesh... :)

Posted by: Phoenix | Friday, December 22, 2006 at 09:08 PM

Wish the hell they would get it over with, and stop getting in my check out line! ;)

[Phoenix]

Merry Christmas, and oh, by the way, Dan, you fucking moron, send Ellison a Pepperidge Farm gift box with a big salami in it.

What kind of dufus sticks a Muslim in a Christmas-griping post??? ha ha ha....

Hey, Cindi... You're not buying any thongs out of those bins are you? I only go for the ones they fan out in pretty circular, flower shapes. You know those haven't been touched by young boys with nose-pickings and other stuff on their finners. Which is not to say big, fat white men don't hover over the thong-designed flowers and hyperventilate. sheeesh... spit or boogies...or worse.

Wait. I forgot. You get your thongs from the ceiling in that bar in Nawhlins. Nevermind. :}

[Cindi]

I will have you know, all my thongs come from my BF. Haven't got my christmas pair yet. He's in juvenile detention until the 29th, but now I know what all the crusty stuff is.

Anyhow....MERRY FUKING CHRISTMAS

[Phoenix]

Have to say, after our thong discussion, I decided to try a pair one more time. Same damn thing. I was just a walkin' down the street singin' do wah diddy diddy do wha doo when I felt that tingling stuff go up my butt. I thought, damn...not again. I pretended to window shop and put my heated forehead against the window but to no avail. I had to get to my car to meet my friend for dinner and I had to walk about half a block. It was a mis'ry, let me tell you. I was hyperventilating and giving close attention to the parking meters. They were like heat-seeking missles luring me over for a quick hump. Then at the restaurant, the waiter came by and introduced himself as 'Rod' and I said, "Bring me some of that Funky Cold Medina."

I let him my thong as a tip. The tip being my phone number in the little bitty fabric part.

I wrote it in 'Hot Jemima Red' lipstick.

'Merry Christmas' I said to him as I left to beaver some fat white guy as I was getting into my Z and he was getting out of his truck.

[Sgt.York]

Maybe it's you. Maybe you are getting "Happy Holiday" greatings because you look Jewish or Moslem or something.

[g]

"If one more idiot smiles, shakes my hand and says "Happy Holidays" today, I think I'm going to grab them by the throat and squeeze."

I hope you get your heart's desire that no one will ever wish you well again.

[ts]

Happy Holidays, cocksu**er! May you end up alone - in your mother's basement, natch -- with nothing to subsist on but a bag of Cheetohs and An Army of Davids.

Please Jesus, give Dan exactly what he deserves...

Love,
Humorless Liberal

[ApplePie]

How dare someone wish you happiness over your holidays.
In return they get sodomized by a candy cane? What Would Jesus Do?

[Phoenix]

"What would Jesus do?"

Stick in his thumb, pull out the plum, and say, "Christ, what a good boy am I."

[Richard 23]

Dan Riehl, Holiday pimp:

----------

http://www.riehlworldview.com/carnivorous_conservative/2006/12/support_the_tro.html

Support The Troops

Please be sure to look in for ways to let all of the troops know they are supported during this Holiday Season.

----------

Don't you mean "Christmas Season," you America hating islamocommiefascist pig?

It's when idiots like you smile, shake my hand and say “Holiday Season” to our patriotic troops that I really think I’m going to grab them by the throat and squeeze. Have a candy cane in your cornhole, you sick candy assed PC azzhole.

Carnivorous conservative, my ass. You're an obvious LIEberal spoof, you punk!

[Officious_Pedant]

Dan,

You work so hard to be humorous, that it actually hurts me to see you fail so spectacularly. Honestly. Your discomfort at being wished a Happy Holiday comes in somewhat lower on my pain scale. (Just below the pain I feel when spraying a wasps nest.)

Hey! I know. Why don't you agitate for a Constitutional Amendment to make Merry Christmas the official greeting of the Christmas season? That way, you can dispense with the PC crap, and get down to the serious business of being happy with the way you're greeted at the mall. Have a Happy Holiday, dude!

[Phoenix]

Officious Pedant,

I hate to be a pedant, but Dan wasn't working hard to be humorous. Get it? He used the writing technique of hyperbole to slamdunk PC.

And look what happened! All these assholes took him seriously. THAT is the funny part.

Now go kill some wasps and have a good laugh as they writhe for their last breath and have yersef a Merry Christmas.

[basils]

Phoenix:

Your humor is most interesting...hope you get some this "holiday". With that and a little decaf, I'd love to see your blog roll on Rosie.

[Cindi]

He used the writing technique of hyperbole to slamdunk PC.
Posted by: Phoenix | Sunday, December 24, 2006 at 10:54 AM

As Big and Rich sing it, "Somebody's got to be unafraid to lead the freak parade." Now you know why I avoid Starbucks!

[anon]

Happy Holidays fucktards.

[Phoenix]

Basils,

Thanks! I would love to 'get some'. Man.... it's been a while. Nothing like a good roll in the hay to calm a fevered mind. And waste ye olde endocrine system. :) ahhh... the pleasure.

I don't have a blog, though. Even if I did, I doubt Rosie would roll me. Well...wait a minute....she might roll me as I'm a babe, but I don't think she'd list me because I don't agree with her politics and pig-like expostulations.

I'm glad you like my humor. It comes in all colors. Merry Christmas! :}

[basils]

Phoenix:

Happy holidays you sex pot!

[Judy & Family]

Merry Christmas, Dan! I lift my glass & toast old friends! Hope you & yours have a wonderful New Year!

x0x0x

[Lilo]

Hope you have a very Merry Christmas Dan.