Guardian Slams US In Team Profile - Mexico Kicks Iran's Balls In World Cup

Mexico kicked Iran's soccer balls around quite a bit, as Iranian defenders suffered something of a break down near the end giving Mexico a convincing 3-1 win.

NUREMBERG, Germany (AP) - Iran seemed content to play for one point. So Mexico took all three. Mexico broke through Iran's defense late in the second half, scoring twice in the final 15 minutes for a 3-1 victory in the teams' Group D opener Sunday

Here are a couple not very US friendly bits fron The Guardian's online profile of the Iranian soccer team. And the American team profile is worse, see below.

Grudge match
Eight years ago they realised a dream by beating the United States 2-1 in France and the country went beserk. With little prospect of meeting Team USA again they might have to make do with its feeder country, Mexico.

(Iran) On the psychiatrist's couch
It's not that I need to be loved by everyone but I can't bear all this suspicion. I've been around since Cyrus the Great you know, seen them all come and go. I should have been a major player by now; it's not my fault Kohmeini upset Jimmy Carter.

Anthem in brief
Sorud-e Melli-e Iran. The sun rises in the east and the martyrs scream in agony, which prompts Iranians to remark that Islam is brilliant and that Iran will last until the end of time. Or until America gets belligerent again, though that might be the same thing.

And America's Team:

A bunch of college boys from a country whose women often put up a better performance than the men.

Where they're staying
An American hotel, of course: the Park Hyatt, Hamburg. This port city boasts a fine red-light area but, as the hotel combines "old-world charm and maritime tradition with state-of-the-art conveniences", we're sure most of the squad won't venture out.

If they were shoes . . .
Doc Martens You know the name and the reputation. They may lack a deftness of touch but this powerful ensemble makes a big status statement. And that statement is: do what I say or feel the force.

On the psychiatrist's couch Usually I punch first and ask questions later. Actually sometimes I don't bother with the questions bit, particularly where evildoers are concerned. People are suspicious of my strength and it can be a lonely lot, but I have one 'special' friend who always sticks by my side and tells me that I am a good person and gets very upset if I am too friendly with anyone else. I have a playful side but am at my best in games that no one else really understands.

What they eat Whatever they fancy and plenty of it.

National anthem in brief The Star-Spangled Banner The USA recalls an enemy with smelly feet who attempted to set fire to its ornately decorated flag using a variety of incendiary weapons. The fact that they failed is viewed as symbolic.

Sounds like someone's a little jealous if you ask me.

Comments

[annie]

The Guardian newspaper!! What a joke!!

A bunch of champagne socialists more like.

What would they know about football, or anything much else that concerns 'the common man'??

These are the people who lose no opportunity to knock the US or Israel, just like their soul mates in the BBC.

To them, the Palastinian suicide bombers, or the terrorist in Iraq, are always freedom fighters, or insurgents.

Not a bunch of murderers, which is what they really are!

More media bias, as usual.

[junius]

If you would take the time to read the other profiles, they make fun of all the countries competing. But whatever, those who are always looking for bias,will find it.

[kate]

well england didn't fare to well in their first game. they beat paraguay 1-0 only because paraguay scorced on itself. it appears the lads were overcome by the heat. had to look up the 30C, - it's only 86 degress, lol.

i actually couldn't bring myself to pull for mexico over iran. nothing political, just to many old grudge match games and mexican fans (long story, but u.s. soccer fans will know what i mean).

our first game tomorrow, i can't wait.