Don't Let Your Daughter Make You Proud

Not if you can help it.

A girl is to become Britain's youngest mother after becoming pregnant at 11.

The girl smokes 20 cigarettes a day despite being eight months' pregnant. She conceived aged 11 when she lost her virginity to a boy of 15 on a drunken night out with friends.

The 15-year-old has since been charged with rape by police, and is due to appear again at Edinburgh sheriff court on July 10.

Her 34-year-old mother, who gave birth to her youngest child eight months ago, said she was 'proud' of her daughter.

She will be 12 years and 8 months when she has the child next month. Jenny Teague, Britain's youngest mother until now, was a month older when she gave birth in 1997.

Comments

[abigail]

Loverly. What in the sam hell is wrong with people? Her mother is "proud"? That's abuse/neglect IMO. 11 and getting drunk and having sex?
What in the world was she doing out of the house aside from riding bikes and jumping in the neighborhood creek to catch little critters? This mother should be charged. 11? I guess the world is changing as I did not even know what sex was then and if I did I'm sure I would have been grossed out. She's not even finished growing into her own skin and smoking? Who's buying them for her? GEEZ!

[Meow]

this story is really sad. This little girl (11 years old are little girls, no?) has obviously been neglected by her mum and from the article I don't feel the abuse stopped. My guess is that it will not improve after she has the baby; if she stays in her "family" I predic she will be smoking-drunk-and-pregnant again soon. poor little girl, they should arrest her mum for neglecting her.

[Stella]

Sick, sad, pathetic...I could go on all night. Reading this brings to mind the evening last year when my daughter, then 16, told me that a university professor had visited her health class that day. He had explained, in terms that girls that age could completely grasp, in great detail, and in a way that they were willing to listen to him - why their bodies are really not mature enough to be sexually active at that age. This was NOT a lecture on morality. One of his many points was that their bodies are nowhere nearly fully grown and the risk of disease and pregnancy to tender tissues, etc. is so tremendous that "having sex" is much more than that for a young teen-aged girl. My daughter's eyes were wide-open while she told me this; this guy made some excellent points, and she knew it. Her HS has a high number of students who give birth each year; in the past her attitude was pretty blase - "just part of life, right?" I'm just she heard some facts about what a pregnancy can do to very young body.

Sorry this was sort of off-topic, but so many parents have developed/degenerated to the same attitude that this moronic mother has. I know a woman who gave birth at 15 and was proud to talk about her 5 grandchildren by the time she was 45. Somewhere along the line, something clicked and she had a change in her thinking; her youngest kids were 15 and 16 yr-old boys, and she panicked when she thought one of them had gotten a girl pregnant. She gave lip-service to waiting until you're out of school, etc. to have kids, but it was a bit too late. She's now awaiting the birth of her 6th grandchild - fathered by her youngest son, now 16.

[hobo]

For what it's worth:

Subsequent DNA tests in the Duke rape case resulted in zilch to nail the players. The test did say that the woman had sex with someone that night, but the test ruled out the accused/s.

Posted by: hobo | Saturday, May 13, 2006 at 01:57 AM

[Rick]

You Americans are such prudes! Justice Ruth Ginzberg is right in calling for an age of consent at 12 like most of Europe. Grow up for pete's sake.

[Stella]

Grow up for pete's sake.
Posted by: Rick | Saturday, May 13, 2006 at 08:16 AM

My guess is that you don't have a young daughter, Rick. And you're standing on your soapbox this morning. The comments made here pertain to young girls BEARING CHILDREN while their "parents" do nothing - or worse yet, express their pride. Nothing was said that warranted your "age of consent" comment - unless you feel that 12 is old enough to decide to have a child. In which case, you're an idiot.

[Cynthia]

This is unbelievably sad for everyone involved, and as we all know, making a decision at age 12 to have a child is just completely uninformed and irresponsible. What the hell is wrong with this girl's mother that her daughter started down this terrible path of smoking, drinking, etc., in the first place? This stupid girl is a fool to think that just because she has been a babysitter for her younger siblings that she is capable of being a mother. She has no idea what she is in for- just wait until that baby just cries, and cries and cries because he/she is sick, she cannot ever sleep more than an hour or so without the baby waking, and then has to bathe, dress it etc., every day, day in and day out; this dumbass girl's life, pathetic as it is, will never be the same. Worst of all, that poor baby will never have the start in life that it deserves, and is already getting a poor start with its mother smoking 20 cigarettes a day and saying it does not affect her pregnancy- again, how uneducated and irresponsible and this is just going to get worse and worse for the child as time goes on. Too bad more girls can't be part of the program where young teens, especially ones who think they want a child at that age and are equipped to raise one, are given a computerized doll that is programmed to exhibit all the same behaviors one would experience with a real baby. The teens must then take care of every aspect of this baby's needs for 24 hours, without help from their mothers or anyone else, and it really opens their eyes to what taking care of a baby in the real world is all about. They then realize how much work and responsibility it is and that their teen life as they knew it was over forever. No more going out, no more fun, no money, no job, no friends, no husband for emotional or financial help, and on and on and on...bottom line, ruined lives for all concerned.

[Rick]

Stella;
Actually I have three adult daughters. Two of whom (now here's a shocker) waited until they were married to have children. Like conservative idiots, we raised them to truly consider the consequences of their life changing decisions. The rest of course was luck and grace.

No I don't "feel" that 12 is old enough to bear children....I dont THINK it is either. I'm with Abby really. What the hell is this child doing with so little supervision? I was also making fun of people who are always telling us Americans how prudish we are when we speak up against allowing children to run rampant. When we do not have frontal nudity on television as does the BBC and other European stations.

Try not to hurt yourself jumping to conclusions

[Rick]

Stella;
Actually I have three adult daughters. Two of whom (now here's a shocker) waited until they were married to have children. Like conservative idiots, we raised them to truly consider the consequences of their life changing decisions. The rest of course was luck and grace.

No I don't "feel" that 12 is old enough to bear children....I dont THINK it is either. I'm with Abby really. What the hell is this child doing with so little supervision? I was also making fun of people who are always telling us Americans how prudish we are when we speak up against allowing children to run rampant. When we do not have frontal nudity on television as does the BBC and other European stations.

Try not to hurt yourself jumping to conclusions

[annie]

Should this be any surprise to anybody?

It's more of a surprise that it doesn't happen more often!!

You may not have noticed, but we live in a society that throws sex and porn at kids from every which where.

Typical of the liberal, left wing, anything goes, agenda!! The lead is coming from Hollywood and the media!!

'Immorality rules' in the societies we live in, and these kids are offered up like little sacrifices to it.

[lookin4info]

Truly discusting!

[Rick]

Annie;
That is EXACTLY what I was trying to sarcasticaly say! Wonderful point.

[Stella]

That is EXACTLY what I was trying to sarcasticaly say! Wonderful point.
Posted by: Rick | Saturday, May 13, 2006 at 02:19 PM

Ok, Rick - thanks for clarifying - it was early Sat. (pre-coffee) and I missed your sarcasm. As for your daughters - luck and grace may have played a role in their development as women, but loving parents who have the courage to be straight-forward and strong with their kids are the key. You obviously take your role as a parent seriously - kudos.

[Rick]

Yea I'm quite proud of those girls and the 3 sons in law. None of us is perfect, but we're all working on it. I unfortunately have a terminal case of the smart ass and I like to use sarcasm to intice people to think about their positions. Some of the replies force me to look at my own opinions.

[R]

Americans prudish ??????? is that why we have the highest childmother statistics in the whole world??

Check it !! it is true > Sadly
R

[Jeannette]

Sick, sad, pathetic...I could go on all night. Reading this brings to mind the evening last year when my daughter, then 16, told me that a university professor had visited her health class that day. He had explained, in terms that girls that age could completely grasp, in great detail, and in a way that they were willing to listen to him - why their bodies are really not mature enough to be sexually active at that age. This was NOT a lecture on morality. One of his many points was that their bodies are nowhere nearly fully grown and the risk of disease and pregnancy to tender tissues, etc. is so tremendous that "having sex" is much more than that for a young teen-aged girl. My daughter's eyes were wide-open while she told me this; this guy made some excellent points, and she knew it. Her HS has a high number of students who give birth each year; in the past her attitude was pretty blase - "just part of life, right?" I'm just she heard some facts about what a pregnancy can do to very young body.

Sorry this was sort of off-topic, but so many parents have developed/degenerated to the same attitude that this moronic mother has. I know a woman who gave birth at 15 and was proud to talk about her 5 grandchildren by the time she was 45. Somewhere along the line, something clicked and she had a change in her thinking; her youngest kids were 15 and 16 yr-old boys, and she panicked when she thought one of them had gotten a girl pregnant. She gave lip-service to waiting until you're out of school, etc. to have kids, but it was a bit too late. She's now awaiting the birth of her 6th grandchild - fathered by her youngest son, now 16.

Posted by: Stella | Friday, May 12, 2006 at 11:16 PM

Uhm, who appointed you judge of the earth, Stella.

Are you so hard-hearted, or just stupid to think that any parent really wants for their teenagers to become parents? Would it really make you feel happier if the woman told her children and grandchildren that she was ashamed of them? Would that be helpful?

The key is prevention, BEFORE teenagers get pregnant. But when and if it happens, and to many teens it happens, telling them they are shameful isn't going to help one damn bit.

I feel very sorry for your children, "Stella."

[Stella]

who appointed you judge of the earth,
Posted by: Jeannette | Sunday, May 14, 2006 at 10:34 AM

There is a world of difference between helping a pregnant teen deal with the pregnancy and telling the world that you're proud of her. I would never want a child who is already facing a difficult future to have the added burden of shame heaped on her. And no, I'm not so stupid that I "think that any parent really wants for their teenagers to become parents?" - I KNOW that the woman that I mentioned got drunk one night and told me that she was excited because she thought her 15 yr old's girlfriend was pregnant!

I'm not passing judgement on anyone - I'm expressing my strongly held views. I certainly agree that prevention is the key (you did notice that my own daughter is well informed not only because of information given at school, but also because we've always had very open and free discussions at home?) but the case of a chain-smoking 12 year old girl who is 8 months pregnant as the result of a drunken night out is still sick, sad, and pathetic to me.

[Jeannette]

There is a world of difference between helping a pregnant teen deal with the pregnancy and telling the world that you're proud of her. I would never want a child who is already facing a difficult future to have the added burden of shame heaped on her. And no, I'm not so stupid that I "think that any parent really wants for their teenagers to become parents?" - I KNOW that the woman that I mentioned got drunk one night and told me that she was excited because she thought her 15 yr old's girlfriend was pregnant!

I'm not passing judgement on anyone - I'm expressing my strongly held views. I certainly agree that prevention is the key (you did notice that my own daughter is well informed not only because of information given at school, but also because we've always had very open and free discussions at home?) but the case of a chain-smoking 12 year old girl who is 8 months pregnant as the result of a drunken night out is still sick, sad, and pathetic to me.

Posted by: Stella | Sunday, May 14, 2006 at 11:53 AM

If your daughter is doing as well as you say, Stella, a little thankful humility might be in order. You know the old adage, "If not for the grace..." People react in all kinds of different ways when faced with something like this. Some people might say they're proud when in reality they are heartbroken. Many people understandably claim to be proud of their children in a sense of loyalty, even if they might feel foolish saying so. Wouldn't you be just as loyal if you had to be? But you know, I've always been sort of stunned with parents like yourself. They are FORTUNATE enough to have kids without any profound problems, happy kids. And still they can't be charitable or compassionate enough to avoid judging OTHER peoples' children.

And regarding your bragging about how your daughter is "well informed," and blah blah, I can tell you that some parents do everything they can and still their children find difficulties. A close friend had a daughter who was scholarship bound, a great kid at home. The mom talked herself blue in the face about every conceivable pertinent issue, hoping to prevent a bad situation. Guess what. Her daughter became a teen mom anyway. And I'd be willing to bet she was every bit good a mom as you claim you are.

Given your daughter's perfect life, and her perfect mom, just say thank you. Especially today. Not all moms are sitting on high horses with perfect kids like you have, especially on this day. Those two words, Stella.

[Stella]

Posted by: Jeannette | Sunday, May 14, 2006 at 12:07 PM

I am FAR from a perfect mom; as a matter of fact, it frightens me at times. You have no idea how thankful I am that things have gone as well as they have. We do have many problems, and I didn't say that we don't. Once again, I am not judging the child, the situation is sad.

[*flo*]

'Immorality rules' in the societies we live in, and these kids are offered up like little sacrifices to it.

Posted by: annie | Saturday, May 13, 2006 at 01:40 PM

Polygamy legalized in the US?...Plenty of activist groups pushing this one...the latest...Haven't checked if Dan has done a topic on this...Lots of info here on Warren Jeffs...

http://msnbc.msn.com/?search=MSNBC&q=Warren+Jeffs&submit=Search&id=11881780&FORM=AE&os=0&gs=1&p=1

http://www.fbi.gov/wanted/topten/fugitives/jeff_ws.htm

Most recent in the news...the guy in question is a fugitive...yet followers who dissent are now being interviewed and heard...reports to authorities were ignored for years...does question why this man NOW is Wanted by the FBI? Could it be because of payoffs to silence or because this man is a National Security threat up the same alley right along with Waco, Branch Davidians...don't know, but possibly has potential. The interviews I have heard, this group is a sick bunch by my standards...

I'm far from being prude...But look, adults/parents need to be more responsible... Contacted my neighbor on his job about his 11, 13, 14 yr old...On my day off, observed them home, cutting school, drinking and smoking...You wanna know something...the parent told me to MIND MY OWN BUSINESS...No prob...the school officials came by the very same day...then the police...Wards of the State now....

[truthbetold]

where is dcfs when you need them? if that was here in the usa, the girl would be in foster care and the "mum" would be in jail for endangerment, neglect, you name it - but oh it is england so I guess it is ok....what idiots - proud of your daughter? clearly we see where the daughter got so screwed up

[truthbetold]

Are you so hard-hearted, or just stupid to think that any parent really wants for their teenagers to become parents? Would it really make you feel happier if the woman told her children and grandchildren that she was ashamed of them? Would that be helpful?

The key is prevention, BEFORE teenagers get pregnant. But when and if it happens, and to many teens it happens, telling them they are shameful isn't going to help one damn bit.

I feel very sorry for your children, "Stella."

Posted by: Jeannette | Sunday, May 14, 2006 at 10:34 AM

you feel sorry for a good mom yet you defend this idiot who allows her child to drink and have sex and smoke even pregnant? what the hell is wrong with you? yes kids can screw up even with good parents but I tell you it is not likely when they are raised right that at 12 they are pregnant smoking and drinking and doing atricles about it like it is some fun new thing - get a grip that mother should be in jail

[raindrops]

If your daughter is doing as well as you say, Stella, a little thankful humility might be in order. You know the old adage, "If not for the grace..."

Posted by: Jeannette | Sunday, May 14, 2006 at 12:07 PM

You are the one who needs a dose of humility, Jeannette. Good kids don't just happen. They take a lot of hard work and caring effort - sometimes that effort doesn't pay off as the rest of your post indicated in the case of your friend, but don't belittle Stella for being successful. It doesn't make her a prideful braggart because she can see the logic of investing the proper time and effort in one's children. As a teacher, I have seen countless young lives ruined by poor choices, many of which were grounded in poor home lives and parenting and some in defiance of good parenting. Unfortunately, I have taught long enough to see a lot of those same families suffer as the next generation repeated the errors of their mothers and fathers because the poor parenting skills did not get any better. When I became a parent, it made me even more determined to be extra diligent. Yes, I consider myself lucky that my children took those lessons to heart, but it doesn't mean that I don't recognize bad parenting when I see it. A mother who would allow an 11 year old child to smoke at all is irresponsible; to do so while she is pregnant, a condition resulting from a drunken night of partying with friends, - geez, that goes so far beyond responsible behavior there isn't a word bad enough for it. I feel sorry for them, but I am still disgusted by it.

[Jeannette]

You are the one who needs a dose of humility, Jeannette. Good kids don't just happen. They take a lot of hard work and caring effort - sometimes that effort doesn't pay off as the rest of your post indicated in the case of your friend, but don't belittle Stella for being successful. It doesn't make her a prideful braggart because she can see the logic of investing the proper time and effort in one's children. As a teacher, I have seen countless young lives ruined by poor choices, many of which were grounded in poor home lives and parenting and some in defiance of good parenting. Unfortunately, I have taught long enough to see a lot of those same families suffer as the next generation repeated the errors of their mothers and fathers because the poor parenting skills did not get any better. When I became a parent, it made me even more determined to be extra diligent. Yes, I consider myself lucky that my children took those lessons to heart, but it doesn't mean that I don't recognize bad parenting when I see it. A mother who would allow an 11 year old child to smoke at all is irresponsible; to do so while she is pregnant, a condition resulting from a drunken night of partying with friends, - geez, that goes so far beyond responsible behavior there isn't a word bad enough for it. I feel sorry for them, but I am still disgusted by it.

Posted by: raindrops | Monday, May 15, 2006 at 12:58 AM

You can be as disgusted as you like raindrops. Who cares?

And it doesn't take being a teacher to make a few observations does it? I'm not exactly 20, or 30, and I get the sense neither are you. I've lived long enough to know that prideful braggarts often get theirs in the end, even if it takes a while. You who think you have *perfect children* and haughtily count it all toward your *skillful parenting* are always the most stunned folks when L'il Miss Perfect reveals an eating disorder or develops a closet drinking habit or marries a guy out of your nightmares. Then what? Will it be becauase of your "poor parenting skills," or because you hit a spell of bad luck? I'm not wishing this on you Rain, because unlike some pridemongers, I don't wish for bad for ANYONES' children. You obviously harbor a horrible mental formation of those who are 'deserving,' and the 'undeserving.' Your type of hatred and bigotry are exactly what keep social ills in our society alive and well. Indeed, you are actually a part of the reason that we have such sorrowful things in our world. Yes, YOU.

Like I told Stella, would it kill you to be a little thankful that for whatever reason, your perfect child did not turn out to be a statistic? And stop judging other people. They have plenty of heartache, I promise you. They are not lacking for pain so keep your finger of judgement close to your side.