Holloway Suspects Could Face Extradition

Based upon information provided by Private Detective Jamie Skeeters using new proprietary image analysis software, it has been discovered that Joran Van Der Sloot and both Kalpoe brothers were present on the infamous Grassy Knoll in Dealy Plaza, November 22, 1963 - the very day former President John F. Kennedy was assassinated.

"I'd like to see those damned Aruban's try to cover this one up," said a re-energized Beth Twitty, who went on to suggest that at the very least this should require the US Government to re-open the Warren Commission so that the boys can be extradited to the US to testify as to what they were doing in Dealy Plaza that day.

When asked how it would have been possible for the boys to be present anywhere in 1963, Skeeters suggested that their ages have been mis-reported all along. "It's Aruba," he said. "That's a very slow moving, laid back island and people don't appear to age as fast as they do in the United States." Skeeters estimated the boys actual ages as somewhere between 60 - 65, making all the boys at least eighteen at the time of the Kennedy assassination.

"I think we've finally got'em," said Skeeters. "You have to get up pretty early in the morning to put one by me, " said Skeeters. "That was as true in 1963 as it is today. If anything, I get up even earlier these days since the prostate started acting up", said the retired Chief. Though research indicates he retired as a Commander, not a Chief of Police from the Oxnard police force.

I was a police commander, retired from the Oxnard Police Department, in Ventura County, California. Then I became chief of police for the Ventura County Community College District (VCCCD) for a short period of time.

It's unclear what led to such a short tenure for Skeeter's as the community college chief of police, however, it might have been the pressures of fighting serious crime at such a high level. One look at the FAQ page of the VCCCD police website serves to prove just how incredibly demanding those responsibilities may have been for the private eye:

1. I want to contest a parking citation. What do I do?

2. Where is the Lost and Found Office?

4. How do I get a parking permit?

5. Is there an escort program?

6. Can I carry pepper spray on campus for protection?

7. Do you jumpstart vehicles and assist motorists in getting their keys out of their locked vehicles?

A: Yes. We have a portable jump-start box that enables up (sic) to get your vehicle started if the problem is a dead battery.

Behind the scenes sources are speculating that if the boys do enter the US, Skeeters intends to place a traffic boot on their vehicle until he gets the answers he seeks. "You just can't run away from ol' Skeeters with one of those bad boys on your front right", said Skeeters.

President of the California Association Of Polygraph Examiners, or CAPE - more of Skeeter's compelling detective work can be read about here:

Skeeters recalled one powerful, wealthy man who came to see him because he was certain his wife was having sex with the family gardener. Although he advised the man to be more general in the questions, the husband insisted that Skeeters specifically ask the wife whether she had committed adultery with their gardener.

The wife passed the test, Skeeters said, and the couple left. A few weeks later, however, the husband returned and asked him to retest the wife ---- this time asking her if she had committed adultery with any other man.

When the wife came into Skeeters' office, she told him, "I think we have a problem," Skeeters said. "I won't pass the test, because I'm having sex with the pool guy, not the gardener."

Pool men and Gardner's for wealthy soccer moms throughout all of Southern California are said to start shaking in their boots when they hear Jamie Skeeters is in town. And that goes for some fair number of tennis pro's, too.

This post is a satire and is entered in the humor category. Quotes are not actual quotes of any named individuals.

Comments

[Smokey]

My goodness some people on here are so damn lame.

Anyone trying to talk 'ish about this post needs to step away from the computer, and go outside and breath some fresh air, 'cause all of you who post these whiny lil' complaints are real annoying. Dont read the damn thing, no one is holding a gun to your stupid brains, and forcing you to read this. If ya'll took a look at that Pic on the page, ya'll should have known from the beginning where this was headed. It's not that hard to figure out, unless your Skeeters.

Not A single person posting knows for sure why Natalee is missing, but ALL of us knows Skeeters is retarded, and probaly couldnt find out the difference between a horse's mouth and it's ass.

Really the Holloway case is leaning on its last legs folks, I really dont care at this point, and I do hope Natalee ran away to Amsterdam or somewhere, anywhere really. I am so sick of the Nancy Grace or whoever else who tries and puts a BREAKING NEWS headline, because what the hell is breaking? Not a damn thing! There hasnt been a new shred of factual evidence since the freakin SUMMER ya'll.

Seriously, focus on healthy news stories like The Broncos whupping the Patriots asses today. God that was sweet.

[BAMAPN]

Hi Jody

Great post! You hit the nail right on the head!
I have also observed this very same behavior of Beth Twitty since the very beginning of this case and I have stated so in my post on this blog and in other forums for several months and have only been bashed all to crap for objectively stating the very obvious.

I guess many other people simply just dont want to face or refuse to face the harsh realities of life!

Far too many of the supporters and bashers on this blog have drank too much of Beth's kool-aid and they cant seem to seperate factual events from Beth's fictional tall tells!

Fact is ..Beth has tried and tried to hang Joran and the Kalpoes brothers by their testicles without one shred of legal evidence.

I have compassion that Beth has lost her daughter and as far as I am concerned, she really needs to stop basking in the lime light of the TV interviews and get off her butt and go physically look for her daughter with her ex-husband and share the vast amounts of financial resourses she and jug have recieved so both she and Dave Holloway can stay in Aruba and look for their daughter.

For all the bashers out there; I have tons of compassion for Beth and her son however, I am not going to let my compassion interfere or stand in the way of my objectivity of searching for the truth or posting objective alternative theories as to what may have occurred to Natalee!
I am in search of the truth as to what happened to Natalee and why!

The truth is out there we just have to find it! Lots of evidence indicates Joran and the Kalpoe btothers are not responsible for Natalee's disappearance!

[york gal]

am i the only one who thinks that this post isn't all about satire? cmon ppl, he's got the traffic up and debating. causing a ruckus with regards to this case is a good thing!

everyone needs to stop kissing other's asses and get a grip. be open to all sides, that way the truth doesn't slap you across the face when it comes out....and it will come out, as long as the pressure is on in the right places. last time i checked, beth is not god, and everything that comes out of her mouth should not be treated as scripture.

brilliant dan, in more ways than one.

[Mi Dushi Aruba]

Dan, you really had me going for....1/2 a second. Loved your humor since I could not get a strong sense of what your blog's intentions were really about all this time. I wondered did you side with the believers or the non-believers of what the media & BHT has tried to portray. Kudos....I am very happy to see that there are Americans out there that are not so easily swayed by the media hype & misinformation purposefully dispensed to the public by BHT & supporters trying to gain public attention. What America does not seem to realize is that all the arrests & re-arrests in this case have all been generated by the AUA polis "listening" to BHT's rantings & accusals. Thus, to avoid being accused further of "cover-up". They have investigated & are still re-investigating all the allegations brought forward by the family, the media etc... without any real findings that would substaniate the case in being allowed into their court. Personally, I feel that all the subsequent missing person stories are a result of people, like your readers, taking notice & voicing their opinions that Natalee's disappearance has gotten far too much exposure in comparison to other family's here in America that find their children missing as well and have called those media networks on it. It doesn't matter if the person missing is black or white. Missing in AUA or missing in USA. A person missing from home & family is just that...missing. Look at Greta. It seems that she cannot let an episode go by without a mention of Natalee or BHT or some comment anti-AUA. I watch just to see how long it takes before the case gets mentioned. Will the media be so vocal in setting things right if these kids turn out to be "innocent" ? Will we hear nightly commentary on on how wrong the nation has been in condemning another country's laws & its people? Will any of you readers be so eager to admit that you were wrong in you rush to judgement against these kids? Will any of you apoligize for the libelous comments that were written just because you have the freedom of speech to do so? No, sadly, I think not.

[George]

> What America does not seem to realize is that all the arrests & re-arrests in this case have all been generated by the AUA polis "listening" to BHT's rantings & accusals.
> Thus, to avoid being accused further of "cover-up". They have investigated & are still re-investigating all the allegations brought forward by the family, the media etc...

The problem is that Arubans were (are?) complicit in this. Not only LE succumbed to outrageous pressure by Twittys/media, even specially created Strategic Communication Task Force has contracted US politician Robert DiLeila who praised Scared Monkeys and babbled that Arubans do all possible to keep boys in jail, but "bad" Dutch judge doesn't allow this... It was difficult to properly evaluate a situation for most Americans who couldn't research it on their own.

> Will the media be so vocal in setting things right if these kids turn out to be "innocent"? … No, sadly, I think not.

Absolutely. A couple years back Mr. Ricci was convicted by media of “kidnapping, rape and murder” Elizabeth Smart. He was jailed and died from hemorrhage in pre-trial detention. Later the missing girl has been spotted on street of Salt Lake City. She initially denied her identity, but was detained, recognized and returned to parents.

When Nancy Grace was asked how she felt with respect to her hauling Ricci, she stated that she was perfectly right since Ricci was a “bad guy”, any way. Alas.

[T]

Whooooooooo-hooooooooo Broncos!! :) :) :)

[*flo*]

Thanks George;)

[Ellen]

Good satire. Some just don't get it and for those who don't - they probably never will. God bless Natalee and her family.

[Pissed]

This is someones father you jerk