Holloway Suspects Could Face Extradition

Based upon information provided by Private Detective Jamie Skeeters using new proprietary image analysis software, it has been discovered that Joran Van Der Sloot and both Kalpoe brothers were present on the infamous Grassy Knoll in Dealy Plaza, November 22, 1963 - the very day former President John F. Kennedy was assassinated.

"I'd like to see those damned Aruban's try to cover this one up," said a re-energized Beth Twitty, who went on to suggest that at the very least this should require the US Government to re-open the Warren Commission so that the boys can be extradited to the US to testify as to what they were doing in Dealy Plaza that day.

When asked how it would have been possible for the boys to be present anywhere in 1963, Skeeters suggested that their ages have been mis-reported all along. "It's Aruba," he said. "That's a very slow moving, laid back island and people don't appear to age as fast as they do in the United States." Skeeters estimated the boys actual ages as somewhere between 60 - 65, making all the boys at least eighteen at the time of the Kennedy assassination.

"I think we've finally got'em," said Skeeters. "You have to get up pretty early in the morning to put one by me, " said Skeeters. "That was as true in 1963 as it is today. If anything, I get up even earlier these days since the prostate started acting up", said the retired Chief. Though research indicates he retired as a Commander, not a Chief of Police from the Oxnard police force.

I was a police commander, retired from the Oxnard Police Department, in Ventura County, California. Then I became chief of police for the Ventura County Community College District (VCCCD) for a short period of time.

It's unclear what led to such a short tenure for Skeeter's as the community college chief of police, however, it might have been the pressures of fighting serious crime at such a high level. One look at the FAQ page of the VCCCD police website serves to prove just how incredibly demanding those responsibilities may have been for the private eye:

1. I want to contest a parking citation. What do I do?

2. Where is the Lost and Found Office?

4. How do I get a parking permit?

5. Is there an escort program?

6. Can I carry pepper spray on campus for protection?

7. Do you jumpstart vehicles and assist motorists in getting their keys out of their locked vehicles?

A: Yes. We have a portable jump-start box that enables up (sic) to get your vehicle started if the problem is a dead battery.

Behind the scenes sources are speculating that if the boys do enter the US, Skeeters intends to place a traffic boot on their vehicle until he gets the answers he seeks. "You just can't run away from ol' Skeeters with one of those bad boys on your front right", said Skeeters.

President of the California Association Of Polygraph Examiners, or CAPE - more of Skeeter's compelling detective work can be read about here:

Skeeters recalled one powerful, wealthy man who came to see him because he was certain his wife was having sex with the family gardener. Although he advised the man to be more general in the questions, the husband insisted that Skeeters specifically ask the wife whether she had committed adultery with their gardener.

The wife passed the test, Skeeters said, and the couple left. A few weeks later, however, the husband returned and asked him to retest the wife ---- this time asking her if she had committed adultery with any other man.

When the wife came into Skeeters' office, she told him, "I think we have a problem," Skeeters said. "I won't pass the test, because I'm having sex with the pool guy, not the gardener."

Pool men and Gardner's for wealthy soccer moms throughout all of Southern California are said to start shaking in their boots when they hear Jamie Skeeters is in town. And that goes for some fair number of tennis pro's, too.

This post is a satire and is entered in the humor category. Quotes are not actual quotes of any named individuals.

Comments

[Brooke]

"How you can make a joke out of something so tragic, is beyond my comprehension. I think that if you have nothing new (and accurate) to add to this story, you should eliminate it from your blog altogether. And once that's done, all of us Beth supporters will disappear. But that's not what you want, so you continue to post this nonsense. Sad.

Posted by: Shari | Oct 16, 2005 8:14:25 AM"

See, "beth-supporters" hmmmm why does she NEED your support?

Isn't it more like some sick obsession with "beth-supporting?? More like beth-idolizing? SICK.

You people still don't get the message, it's called SATIRE for goodness sake, get a grip!

[Lisa]

Thanks for the humor!!! Please keep it up!!!

More, please More!!!!!1

[Shari]

beth-supporters" hmmmm why does she NEED your support?
Posted by: Brooke | Oct 16, 2005 8:22:20 AM

Brooke,
I merely use that phrase to support Beth's actions in keeping this story in the media - nothing more. As for your satire remark, there's plenty of other things to use satire for, not when it comes to exploiting this child for personal gain.

[Shari]

Dan,
The "pathetic" comment was a bit strong, I apologize. But I think your readers have the right to express dissention in what you've posted. Not everyone will see the humor in it.

[mona]

Dont give up your day job Dan....oh yea this is your day job....LOL Just imagine Americans satirizing the most screwed up,keystone copish,corrupt political officials that the world has ever seen. I think it's time to let loose on the Arubans....we have been far to fucking nice with this boycott thing....talk about tampering with evidence? In Aruba they havent the first clue what evidence means....remember how they had Deepak and Joran both show up at the Hospital for DNA testing TOGETHER? LOL Karen Janseen wouldnt last 5 minutes in the USA legal system even if she does have blonde hair and wears high heels to a search .......

[Formerlyj]

I am trying to figure out who's cage Dan is trying to rattle?

Just sad it had to be like this.

[boywonder]

am trying to figure out who's cage Dan is trying to rattle?

Just sad it had to be like this.

Posted by: Formerlyj | Oct 16, 2005 9:12:08 AM

Dan's rattling his own cage...no big surprise there..

[islandamethyst]

A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest men.
- Roald Dahl

[jody]

Don't give Beth any ideas Dan. She will do anything to get those three boys, even the most rediculous is not out of her reach.

Does anyone want to bet the tape never makes it to Aruba. If it does and is found to be totally bogus, I would love to see Skeeter, Dr. Phil and Beth charged with fraud.

[oneyka]

If the above "writing" was meant to be funny, this is the most disrespectul piece of low class, moron, low life piece of crap a person could ever write. The host of this blog not only makes fun of a very sad day in America, when President Kennedy was killed, but he puts those bastards killers in America during that sad day. I wonder what ever has overcome Dan that has changed his train of thoughts in this way. It is pitiful and also those ignoramus that adore him and think he is a God and applaude his lack of sense and respect for other people do not have brains or sense of self respect to their own selves. Maybe they are not even American. What a shame, what a shame! Such a waste ot time to sit down and write this cheap "editorial".

[oneyka]

Moreover, I wonder if Dave Holloway has read this piece of artistic literature regarding the case of his missing daughter, but just in case he does not, and since his site is shown at the Natalee Discussion forum, I am going to copy this "wonderful" writing by a clown and mail it to him right now.

[boywonder]

Don't give Beth any ideas Dan. She will do anything to get those three boys, even the most rediculous is not out of her reach.

Does anyone want to bet the tape never makes it to Aruba. If it does and is found to be totally bogus, I would love to see Skeeter, Dr. Phil and Beth charged with fraud.

Posted by: jody | Oct 16, 2005 10:05:52 AM

And if the Arubans are ever proven to have screwed this case from day 1..I hope Ophrah buys the island and kicks out the Dutch.

[reader2]

A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest men.
- Roald Dahl
Posted by: islandamethyst | Oct 16, 2005 9:43:26 AM

IMO, Dan is away off base on this 'nonsense', not a 'wise' post at all. This is jounalism?

'Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
Abe Lincoln (attributed)

[PerryPeabody]

ROFL

[angela]

I clicked on this thinking it was breaking news. You got me Dan. Very funny though. I dont see it as a shot against Natalee's family at all. Only a shot against reporting in the case.

Good job.

[sketchy]

Dan,

I have been keeping up with all your blogs (NH and all others) for months now. Have to notice that of late you are using terms like "idiot" and "moron" - I am disappointed. This is the not journalism I have come to expect from you and *almost* all of the posters.

It is also apparent that many posters do not have children of their own *Dan?) - one has ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA how one would react to the untimely death of a child - much less under these circumstances. Some blast out, some are used by others, some fold into themselves. Yes, BHT is most likely going off the deep end; I know I would.

I truly pray that any NH family members have not read your recent writings; especially this so called "satire" of today.

Sincerely,
Sketchy

[lawbster]

jody, you raise an interesting point. if this tape is fraudulent, dr. phil has some 'splaining to do and first it will probably be to oprah's lawyers, cause if you're gonna sue, why not go for the biggest fish (sorry BF) but oprah's got more dough than you do, i suspect!

[mc]

I find it in very poor taste. But then again you can post and spew anything you like. Oh gosh, I hope I haven't offended your highness; don't want to get banned for life.

[Jon]

You really will do literally anything to attract hits to your site.

Look moron, were that true I would have stopped all coverage of aruba when the taylor behl story broke.

Posted by: Dan | Oct 16, 2005 12:53:31 AM

Since the Taylor Behl story broke, you've still gotten at least 5 times as many comments on your Natalee threads as you have on your Taylor threads. So what's the evidence that dropping Natalee coverage would have increased your traffic?

[DrTar&ProFeather]

It's called SATIRE folks.

Must have cut a little too close to the bone for some of you fanatics, huh?

Maybe you should read it 100 times and maybe some of your objectivity would return.

Dan, you obviously have a gift for satire. Got any more?

Thanks, this was great.

[T]

There sure are a lot of uptight people here who cannot take a joke! And this is coming from a mother w/ two children she adores, by the way....a sense of humor keeps you balanced in life. I find it sad for those of you who have no laughter in your life.... sad, sad, sad people you must be!!

[nelson]

Now finally lightening things up in here, seems like some people dont get it. But again you cant always please everyone.

[antoinette]

Let's see Shari, oneyka and sketchi can suggest Beth that looks for it with the pirates of the Caribbean? This Skeeters is going to love it and Mansur will have something to write about.
Great job DAN!!

[T]

JW full of sadness because he/she has no laughter in his/her life :(

[nelson]

"And if the Arubans are ever proven to have screwed this case from day 1..I hope Ophrah buys the island and kicks out the Dutch."

I would buy it before those morons would, well its not for sale anyway, I love it the way it is and forever, so sorry NOT FOR SALE or taken for that matter. 400 years Dutch and leave it that way, perfect as is LIKE IT OR NOT.

[JW]

I love a good laugh but a joke by someone who makes a joke out of the same crap he's been preaching lately ain't funny except by many people here that have their head up Dan's ass so far they forget that if they open their eyes all they'll see is shit.

[berry]

It's amusing as a pot shot against Skeeters - but inappropriate as it regards Ms Twitty. She bugs me too, but my heart still aches for her loss and struggle, made especially difficult when one refuses to see the forest for the trees.

[T]

Well JW, my eyes are wide open and I see bright blue skies today :) I barely post on here, I lurk every now and then on Dan's site along w/ others because I'm a very open minded person and try hard to view all sides of things.....

Laughter is the best medicine and rather Dan has "preached" as you say about it, there is a time and place for it all... maybe Dan felt it was time to "lighten" things up a bit, with all the horrible things happening in our world as of late and continuing to do so, sometimes you just have to breathe and smile at the funny stuff.

And for all you uptight people who can't seem to laugh.... Natalee Holloway IS NOT the only child gone missing in this World!!!!

[T]

Let me add as well, that I DO feel for the family of Natalee w/ all my heart and hope to God that they find some closure someday to all the nonsense they've been through, my prayers have always been with them............

.....but there are others out there that need our attention as well, and if we need a little laugh to lighten up our spirits in between watching and hearing about all the other child murders, rapes, abductions, and scum that walks our earth then please give me a little laughter, so my heart does not crumble to the pain it sees all other times....

[Not a Hand Wringer]

Is it any surprise that most xenophobes don't get the satire?

Look, it's not the funniest bit of satire I've ever read. But, it's not innapropriate either. Just because a family has suffered a tragedy, doesn't earn them a free pass in life...or a shield against criticism ( in the form of satire ).

[JW]

very well put T

[Bella]

Hilarious - I don't understand people who cannot see satire (humor) that is harmless and by definition not serious. Some people need to lighten up. Dan, I don't see anything but fun stuff in your post. I am afraid for those who cannot even smirk a little - come on folks, life is all to short to take offense at anything and everything and lash out.

[antoinette]

T I agree with you is not the only person, the point of this is that because of THIS PERSON they are hanging three others and a small country, because they will never do that in the USA or in Canada. Do you think is this happens in Hawaii, Mr Bush will give an audience, do you think they are going to stop working because of THIS PERSON. Let us be fair and balance. Not because they are not in a big country does not mean that they are not doing their possible. You are correct I was looking in the missing children and persons, thre are a lot RECENTLY posted unsolved

[usmcmom]

My initial reaction when I saw Dan's headline on the sidebar was, "How the hell could they be extraditing Holloway suspects, where's the evidence?" After the read, I'm agreeing with Shari, that was pathetic. Dan, If you want to mock Skeeter and Dr. Phil, do so without involving the Holloway name. There is plenty of ammo out there for a satire on the wannabe G-man and his TV-guru sidekick, it just classless to title it under the Holloway name. Your "gotcha" headline is just another exploitation of Natalee. I think this child has been used enough by everyone.

[antoinette]

http://www.boycottdrphil.com/ and they should make one also for mansur and other one for fox,
any comments.

[T]

Thank you JW ~ and please believe me when I say, I do not mean to offend anyone. I am a HUGE believer/supporter of everyone having their own opinions. We need to have different opinions in life, else we would not learn and grow. So I DO respect your opinion, although it differs from mine :)

Let's smile today, maybe it's because of the satire that Dan wrote, maybe it because the sun is out, maybe it's because you are having a Sunday dinner w/ your family?? Regardless, let's just all smile and laugh... be thankful that we are not in the shoes of the Holloway/Twitty or Biehl families today. God bless them and ease their pains.

[kin]

mona..I suggested a satire on ALE last night. Have you ever seen such Keystone Cops? We have far more reason (and proof) to believe many more of them are corrupt then any on BH's side. KJ is a real riot ain't she? Just think what FUN can be done with her! Hee Haw!

The media is seen as the "DEVIL" around here but I think Taylor's mom has it right. Who should know better then her and BH?

http://www.taylorbehl.notagz.com/

Taylor's mother spoke briefly about the role the media have played in the search for Taylor. Giving advice to other parents she said, "If it does happen to your child, beg the media, be nice to the media, use them, let them use you." Crediting the media she continued, "The media kept Taylor's face out there and kept the story going. If every missing child had that kind of coverage, maybe there would be fewer missing children."

[joynow]

Dan, I've lurked here for a long time now. I just had to come out to tell you this is hilarious. I have especially appreciated your reporting lately...giving us some new things to think about and a different perspective from the usual MSM stuff.

In response to so many forums being heavily moderated or closing a new forum has opened up a few days ago. So far there are just over 50 members registered. Respectfulness towards other posters and logical debate and information will be very much appreciated there. See link at name.

[k.jeanne]

Your "gotcha" headline is just another exploitation of Natalee. I think this child has been used enough by everyone.

Posted by: usmcmom | Oct 16, 2005 1:19:51 PM

Well said usmcmom! I think your comments are right on and at the heart of those who are objecting to this "satire" by Dan. I don't care how much is said about Skeeter. Just don't do it under the heading of "Holloway and Humor."

[Shari]

Well, he got what he wanted - a reaction from all of us. Mission accomplished.

[dadreamer]

People who put themselves "out there" in the public spotlight, as Mr. Skeeters has done, invite scrutiny, in my opinion. And even if they don't invite it, they should know they will recieve it. I found some humor in this...especially the aging process on Aruba. It is also weighted by compassion for the family. I don't consider myself in any "camp" but I do feel that BHT is taking a public beating these days. And...as I said in the first sentence, she too puts herself "out there" for scrutiny. Whether I agree with Beth's actions or not, I can't forget she lost her daughter, and I wonder how sane one can be in the face of that.

[b]

using terms like "idiot" and "moron" - I am disappointed. This is the not journalism I have come to expect from you and *almost* all of the posters.

dan may I suggest alternative...."btw, sir/madam I realize that you have a diminishded mental capacity and are apparently devoid of any critical thinking skill whatsoever, however" or

"it has become increasingly obvious that you IQ quotient was off the chart going in the opposite direction." or "we are all pround of you sir/madam every last one of us as you have the reasoning ability of a two year old"

Now, don't get down on me...this is not disrespectful to anyone...as a matter of fact just came back from mass where i prayed(have a laundry list of people to pray for) and natalee was amongst those people.

[newsjunkie]

WOW, do people get worked up or what???

[JW]

Dan, go ahead and remove my post, your still full of shit, not because of the joke today but your lack credibilty. It's gone, maybe you could entertain us with some more bizarre riddles.

[SeattleGirl]

Waaaaay too much time on your hands!

[JW]

Joran Guilty
Deepak Guilty
Satish Guilty
Paulus Guilty
Steve Guilty
Dan very funny, you best reporter in world, thank you to much, love bigfish

[Bitsey]

>>October 15th 2005 -- RWV officially "jumps the shark." Dan has been whining about "Journalism", now he goes and proves his site is a joke - not to be taken seriously. That's fine -- it is HIS joke.
Posted by: wreck | Oct 16, 2005 2:00:59 AM<<

it is also HIS blog, in case ya didn't notice.

[jody]

I think Dan is just trying to point out what a lot of us have been seeing for months now. Beth will try anything to get these boys behind bars. She is the liar and the one who is continually changing her story. I have never seen a mother of a missing child act the way she is. This is not new behavior for her. I would be willing to bet she has always been a very vindictive person. She is not used to people disrespecting her and not doing as she says. She is out to get Aruba and these boys in the name of entitlement.

[Brooke]

"Your "gotcha" headline is just another exploitation of Natalee. I think this child has been used enough by everyone.

Posted by: usmcmom | Oct 16, 2005 1:19:51 PM"

Yup especially her own mother Beth and her stepfather!

[mc]

What makes the this funny? These guys are the most likely candidates for having something to do with a missing young lady. I find this out of control. Dan has a audience of people like myself that check in here for news on FINDING NATALEE HOLLOWAY and not some idiotic repostings from other sites which I would not visit. I expected more from Dan.
It is however, Mr. Dan's site and he can post any damn thing he likes; or kick you out if you type anything to his disliking.
I feel like I have been sucker punched.