Breaking News: Jewel Theft Thwarted In NH

It's as yet unclear how "hefty" a heist this might have been, but reports from the ground suggest the jewels are safe ... but sorry.

BRENTWOOD, NH - The "family jewels" of one Brentwood man recently were locked up for two weeks - literally.

On Saturday, July 30, at about 3:40 a.m., Brentwood police assisted ambulance and rescue personnel with a 39-year-old man with a padlock on his testicles. According to police, the man, who police are not identifying, was intoxicated when they arrived on scene.

The man reported that the padlock had been on his testicles for two weeks. Cpl. H.D. Wood IV said the man reported that a friend put the lock on his testicles. He was allegedly severely intoxicated and passed out. He told police that when he woke up the padlock was placed around top his scrotum and his friend was gone. "Never in my 13 years have I seen anything like this," Wood said.

The man reported to police that he allegedly attempted to remove the padlock with a hacksaw after the key broke off inside the lock. He was taken to Exeter Hospital, where a locksmith was called to remove the lock. The hospital reported that the man was treated and released without sustaining lasting injury.

The Brentwood Fire Department would not comment on the incident, citing patient confidentiality. The motive for the incident is still undetermined, police said. "At this point we are not sure if it was a prank, or if it was an intentional act, or something done during a sexual act," Wood said. The incident is under investigation.

Comments

[blacklable]

seems better than any of the tickle pages we have seen in the Aruba case

[TS]

This gives new meaning to keeping the family jewels under lock and key, eh? ROFL This is mild compared to some of the things I saw and heard about while working in the medical field for 30 years. There are some real nutcases out there. That's for darn sure.

[kerrilynn212]

Being from New England, all I have to say is "only in New Hampshire!"

[k.jeanne]

OOOOOOOOOOO...laugh, laugh, laugh!!!!!!!!!

[oldtimer]

About 40 years ago a man was admitted into the ER were I worked with a metal coil around his umm.. organ. He put it there while he was drunk to punish his wife,well one end of the coil stuck in his skin and his organ started swelling, had to call in a local welder to remove it, the coil that is not his organ. True story.

[Beth]

Oldtimer & TS, there are no better, funnier stories than the stuff shared by ER staff. ;-D Someone really ought to start a blog with nutty ER stories! I love 'em! (Sick sense of humor, I guess.)

About this lock guy--what the hell took him two weeks to decide it was time to get the thing taken off? LOLOL

[ustt]

Reminds me of a case I read once while working at the abuse registry.

We got some of our cases from the state mental hospital.

One guy didn't want to be....um.....a guy anymore. So he had his buddy excise his "family jewels".....his buddy used a ball point pen to do the surgery.

ouch.

[ustt]

Oldtimer & TS, there are no better, funnier stories than the stuff shared by ER staff. ;-D Someone really ought to start a blog with nutty ER stories! I love 'em! (Sick sense of humor, I guess.)

About this lock guy--what the hell took him two weeks to decide it was time to get the thing taken off? LOLOL

Posted by: Beth | August 13, 2005 01:56 PM

_________

Beth, great idea. I used to work in a news room of a newspaper. As we sat around at night
deciding what would be in the morning's paper.....reading AP stories that had collected in piles on the floor after coming in over the wire.......

I mean some of the sickest stuff is what we were holding our sides over - we were sick puppies in there.

One I remember was this victim was in a fire and the story read: "face melted off"......I suddenly had visions of a face melting like plastic and running onto the floor......and for an instant I "saw" Joan Rivers in my mind. OMG

[TS]

Oldtimer & TS, there are no better, funnier stories than the stuff shared by ER staff. ;-D Someone really ought to start a blog with nutty ER stories! I love 'em! (Sick sense of humor, I guess.)

About this lock guy--what the hell took him two weeks to decide it was time to get the thing taken off? LOLOL
Posted by: Beth | August 13, 2005 01:56 PM

Oldtimer and Beth, ROFLMAO!!!

I've got a story about Viagra and a stuck vacuum cleaner hose that equals your metal coil story, Oldtimer. LOL LOL

[k.jeanne]

...and I have one about a guy with a shot glass stuck up his fanny! Had to go to emergency room to have it removed. Now please tell me why????

[clintcarter]

Because his buddy wanted to go to a dive bar?

[clintcarter]

No, no, it was because he had a case of the Rums.

[clintcarter]

That's obvious.
He went to the ER because his fanny was too deep for him to reach it on his own...

[clintcarter]

Poor guy; a shot and no chase-her.
sorry.

[clintcarter]

I read that the N.H. guy put that padlock on his nuts after his girlfriend said she "was gonna break into (his) sperm bank and drain his deposits" !!

[!]

Now that is a wilder than wild case. I can just see this. LOL....

[k.jeanne]

I read that the N.H. guy put that padlock on his nuts after his girlfriend said she "was gonna break into (his) sperm bank and drain his deposits" !!

Posted by: clintcarter | August 13, 2005 11:45 PM

Clint, Thank YOU for enlightening me! LOLOL! I suspect his girl friend put the lock on to keep HIM from draining the deposits. Not good to waste the nest egg!

[tanya]

LOL good one I bet that friend stays far away

[gwb]

...i've also heard about a guy who had his 'organ' stuck/crushed in an elevator door. the father of a guy i know was a 'special doctor' who dealt with these types of things. i never did find out how it got there in the first place. lol. i'm sure there are thousands of stories like these.