WTW - Let's Give Paul A Break

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I've had my troubles with Paul from Wizbang. But I wasn't convinced he was getting a fair shake from people. So I went down the street to see Mr. Hector Paulbody and his pet boy, Sherman.

In case you don't know, Mr. Paulbody is a true genuis with a great resume and also the inventor of the WAYBAC machine.

I asked Mr. Paulbody if he would use his WAYBAC machine to look into Paul's past and see if we might learn about Paul, so we could all get along better in the blogging community. Thankfully, he agreed.

He told Sherman to set the WAYBAC machine to 15 BC and off they went. What a tale they told when they returned. I think I started to understand where Paul is coming from.

His first known ancestor was called Paul the Baptist. And, please, there should be no confusion with or disrespect for John the Baptist, this Paul guy was an entirely different matter.

Paul the Baptist wasn't linked with Christ, he wanted his own church. His dream was to baptize as many people as he could to follow him. Unfortunately, there was one little problem. 

Having spent so much time creating his own religion, he didn't have time for his school work and without his fingers to count the seconds when he was baptising people, he had a tendency to keep them under the water too long. The poor guy drowned just about every one of his congregation before he even had time to get a real church going. You can imagine the frustration seething at the root of Paul's family tree. I almost started to feel sorry for the guy.

Next thing I knew Mr. Paulbody had old Sherman set the machine to 1655 - back when Pope Innocent X had just departed this earth. Apparently Paul's family ties to the church go back a long way. Mr. Paulbody discovered that Pope John Paul II wasn't the first more recent non-Italian Pope, after all.

Turns out the first non-Italian Pope was actually a Greek ancestor of Paul at Wizbang, though he wasn't Pope for long. Right after Pope Innocent X died this Greek fellow was elected Pope and he took the name, Pope Yan Paul I. I was saddened to learn it was yet another family tragedy.

Seems Pope Yan Paul liked music and was ahead of his time, making all sorts of sounds out of whatever he got his hands on, calling it synthesized music.

This was new to the Italians, so on the second day of his Pope-hood they asked him, "Well, what is it call yourself as a musician, Pope Yan Paul." "Well," he said, "I'm actually a synthesist".

Unfortunately, communication with the Italian Cardinals wasn't what it could have been, his being Greek, and all. Seems someone thought he said he was actually an atheist and within about 36 hours of his coronation they took the guy out, whacked off his head and wiped his name right out of the history books.

I asked Mr. Paulbody is he was sure that was the real story, or if they might have just whacked off his head for the stupid music he liked to play, but he said, no, it was just a misunderstanding.

By this time, I was feeling more terrible for Paul, but Mr. Paulbody insisted we get the whole story. So I waited.

The next famous ancestor they found was a guy named Napauleon - a distant and evidently heavy drinking cousin of Napoleon Bonapart. Not long after Napoleon's defeat at Waterloo, his cousin Napauleon was taking a boat out to the Island of Saint Helena with his secretary Marie Jo Toinette when the small boat cap-sized.

Seems this Napauleon fellow, drunk as usual, swam back to shore and left his secretary behind to drown. People didn't take too kindly to their would be leaders drowning women, at least not back in 1815, so his shot at the crown was over and he died broke and in disgrace.

Mr. Paulbody said Paul's family pretty much disappeared from the History books after that, except for a few notable exceptions ... distant relatives not long passed, or still living in some cases.

Round about 1920 or so, Paul had a Great Uncle who fancied himself quite a boxer - he fought by the name of Joe Paulooka. But, yet, again, timing is everything. Seems he got his start about the same time as this other fellow named Joe Palooka, who pretty much kicked the crap out of him every chance he got.

Than there's Paul Pot, he's a Cambodian blogger some say is determined to take over the Cambodian blogosphere through an evil practice of eradicating comments and track backs by the millions.

Even more strange, at least one strain of Paul's acestors must have had evolution play a terrible trick on them. They mutated into Parrots somewhere along the way, but, thank heavens, at least one of them, Paulie, finally made it to the big time.

Lastly, there's his fourth cousin, Paul Reubens of Pee Wee Herman fame. I actually called him and we got to chat for a short time. He opened up a bit at first, said he and Paul spent quite a bit of time hanging out when they were younger, going to the  movies and such. But when he found out I was writing something up he sort of clamed up on me.

That's pretty much all his kin I was able to trace. But it gave me a much broader perspective on this guy, Paul. Maybe he isn't so bad, after all.

When you think about it, is it really a wonder he's something of a creation nut and a tyrant with a Napolean complex who's had his ass kicked from one end of the blogosphere to another because all he can do is clip stories from the MSM without an original thought - and he manages to screw that up somehow because he's probably sitting there in the dark fondling himself half the time?

Anyway, I'm for giving him a break. With a family history like his, I think he probably deserves all he gets at this point.

But then, maybe I'm just too nice a nice guy. What can I say ...

Be sure and check out the blogs on the White Trash Wednesday blog roll if you get a chance.

Comments

[Pile On®]

You are very nice.

If you were mean you would have brought up RuPaul.