The Bone Ranger and EsperTonto

Starring Ward Churchill and Jeff Gannon, with Sadie in sort of a supporting role.

Ride along with the old west's only linguistically precise cowboy and masked avenger, the Bone Ranger and his trusty sidekick, EsperTonto, the most politically correct non-American, non-Indian, American Indian west of the Missouri.  The two would-be do gooders ride their trusty mounts, Librul and Doubt into one scrape after another, always emerging unscathed and ineffectual.

In episode one, The Showdown at Sadie's Spread,  we find the Bone Ranger and EsperTonto taking on a nasty passle of left wing whore thieves who have kidnapped Sadie, our bitch in distress, and are holding her for ransom - or perhaps just holding her, one can never be too sure of these things anymore what with Stockholm syndrome and all..

"EsperaTonto, I'll never be able to repay you for your loyalty all these years since you saved me when I was left for dead by that awful band of outlaws. And I am certainly glad you are along for the ride this time out."

"Have no worries, King-o-Salamie. EsperTonto will be at your side .... always."

The Lone Ranger was typical of the first wave of Westerns to hit TV in the early 1950's. Characters and plots were simple--good guys vs. bad guys--and there was none of the character development that marked the later "adult" Westerns.

The Lone Ranger had begun as a local radio show in 1933, and had quickly spread to a nation-wide hookup (it was, in fact, the cornerstone of the then new Mutual Radio Network). In 1949 it was brought to TV in a series of half-hour films, made in Hollywood especially for the new medium. The opening episode, on September 15,1949, told the familiar story of how the Lone Ranger got his name and his mission in life. He had been one of a posse of six Texas Rangers tracking a gang of desperadoes. The Rangers were lured into an ambush in a canyon, and five of them were slaughtered. The sixth, young John Reid, was left for dead. But Reid managed to crawl to safety near a water hole, where he was found and nursed back to health by a friendly Indian named Tonto. Reid had once helped Tonto and the Indian now vowed to stay with him as the "lone" Ranger sought to avenge the deaths of his comrades. "You kemo sabe," said Tonto; "it mean 'trusty scout.'" Avenge they did, cornering the outlaw Butch Cavendish in a dramatic battle.

Read the rest.

Comments

[sadie]

Oh dear g*d! How did I get into the picture....that's pretty damn funny...not as funny as that Dan Rather extravaganza, but highly amusing. Thanks Dan;-)

[John from WuzzaDem]

EsperTonto..AAAAAAA HAHAHAHA!!

Damn that was funny.

[!]

http://www.jokaroo.com/funnyvideos/everythingisgay.html

[Althor]

Actually, Ward "Tonto" did pick up a couple of neat tricks here and there while living amongst the dozen or so tribes that he claims as his own either by "honorary" membership, or simply because of having set-up his "tepee" once inside one of the Luxury rooms of the Reservation's Hotel & Casino while he boozed whored and gambled as only a "red man" can!

Recently, on approaching the outskirts of San Francisco in the company of "The Bone Ranger," Ward "Tonto" stopped his horse, got off, and placed his ear to the ground. "The Bone Ranger" curious to know what had Ward "Tonto" been able to discern with his newly acquired skills asked him:

"What is it you hear "Tonto?" Is it stampeding buffalo, is it the "Iron Horse" chugging along its tracks? What is it?"

to which Ward "Tonto" replied:

"I hear Proctologists, Kemo Sabi, lots and lots of Proctologists!"

"Uhhh! Let's waste no time then, we must check them out! Hi ho, Silver, away!" said "The Bone Ranger" as they speedily galloped towards the city.

Althor :D