Toward a More Tolerant and Loving America

While I enjoy humor, I'm also genuinely concerned with the issues of tolerance and discrimination in America today - it troubles me as far as where we are as a society after so many years. Just the other day I was thinking -  I haven't heard a good Pollack joke in almost a decade. I mean, come on, let's face it, you can't even tell a good racially or ethnically offensive joke these days without looking over your shoulder for fear of offending someone. Blondes, blacks, wops, kikes, spics, micks - you name it, they're all off the damned table. Now, where the hell is the fun in that? But more to the point, just exactly where has it gotten us?

Are we a better, more comfortable, more blended society now? Not according to the left and the oh so many minority groups constantly telling everyone how bad things are in this regard today. After decades of political correctness it's high time we concluded this PC approach just isn't working.  It's making us an all too uptight society ever more likely to lash out at, well, at just about anyone. And that's dangerous. You never do quite know who the enemy is and, God forbid, one day it could even become you or me. So, after careful thought I believe I've come up with an alternate system to get us on the road to being the more loving and tolerant culture I know we all long to be.

See, I think the problem is we're just holding in too much crap. We can't even kick the damned orientals around anymore, for heaven's sake. Damn it, we need at least one good minority group that all the rest of us, black, brown, yellow, white, red, etc. can get together on and really kick the snot out of. I'm convinced that the culture and our human nature demand it.

Think about the tremendous benefits of my approach. I bet many minority groups that feel downtrodden today would bask in a new found sense of equality, feeling more a part of the whole as we scoffed and discriminated against "those" people together, "we" being all happily united in our cause. Why some might even come to conclude they didn't even have it so bad before as we really wantonly abuse and invalidate our newly designated minority. 

And, as an added plus, we all get to really hate someone! Now, I know what you're thinking - hate is wrong ..., it's just bad. Well, sorry, I don't buy it. I don't care what you'd like to think about yourself, or what you're Mother told you, if we didn't enjoy hating so damned much, would we really be saying it all the time like we do?

Come on, be honest. How many times a day do we all say "Oh, I hate that!" or, "damn, I REALLY hate this"? Face it, people, we're a species of haters - and we have to learn to just go with it - start making it work for us instead of fighting it all the time. Today, with no one left to really lay into and enjoy pushing to the back of the line, we're freaking ripping one another apart. It has to stop.

Just look at how crazy it's gotten. Before the smoke even cleared over the World Trade Centers people were already on TV telling us not to hate those camel humping sons of bitches that crashed planes into our Towers, our Pentagon and a field in Pennsylvania. Personally, I've had it. I'm damn well going to start hating someone. And I'm hoping we might build some consensus around one particular group. After all, that's the American way.

So I've been thinking, who could the most of us really grow to hate? And I'm not just talking minor annoyance here.  I mean the kind of hate where the public restrooms say "No those people, allowed; know   what I mean? We have to really commit to this or we won't realize the tremendous benefits a unified hating can yield.

I confess as to having been stuck as to who might fit the bill for a bit until, one day, reading a blog - I found the perfect subject for our national rejection. Just take a look over there on the right. She almost passes for one of us, doesn't she? Well, believe me, she isn't. Oh, she does a good job of hiding her "separateness", sure. Unfortunately for her, she also let the cat out of the bag right there on her own blog. What a dummy! See what I mean? Once you start stereotyping them, the slurs just sort of roll off the tongue. And after years of living in a PC world, trust me, God, it tastes delicious.

Now just take a look at what she had to say about herself here.

My third toe on my left foot is longer than the other toes (except the big one of course) You know, instead of the second one being the longest.

Oh yeah, that's right, she's one of "those" people. What nerve! As if the big toe even figures into it? Ha! Look, I don't know about you, but my forefathers helped build this damn country. And they might have been and done a lot of questionable things, but one thing I know, they damn sure had proportional toe length. And pardon me if I'm just a tad resentful of people like her with their got-damned disproportional toes thinking that they are somehow entitled to all the benefits the rest of us normal people enjoy in this wonderful country of ours.

Frankly, I'm a little tired of being walked all over by their kind as if they were "normal." Plainly, we can see that she isn't. Take a look to the left. I managed to get a jpg of her toes under the guise that I was in the middle of designing a shoe catalogue and I thought I might be able to find a spot for her. Can you believe it? Now you tell me that disproportionally-toed people aren't a bunch of dumb-asses! Geesh! What buffons. They shouldn't even be allowed on the sidewalks.

We've all read enough revisionist history by now to know what blacks, Hispanics, hell even Eskimos have contributed to this wonderful land. But I'll be damned if I have EVER seen anything that these people have done for the common good. It's always me, me, me with their kind. Why in hell do you think they invented earth shoes, and sandals? It certainly wasn't for us "normal" people, that's for sure. I'm sick and tired of catering to the disproportionally-toed minority within our borders and it's got-damn well past time we did something about it.

I want little foot molds with measuring grids installed outside public buildings and restrooms. I want shoe salesman contacted by Homeland Security and the FBI so we can start ferreting these buggers out. I'll even bet there are dozens of disproportionally-toed shoe models working in that business taking bread off the table of God fearing "normal" people like you and me. They should be blacklisted. And we can't stop there. Just imagine the wonderful if subtlely hate laden conversations in our future.

Mom: Billy, how come Jane never wears open toed shoes in the summers?

Billy: What are you getting at, Mom?

Mom: Oh, nothing. I just found it curious was all.

Billy: Mom, you're not going to start that again, are you?

Mom: Well, look, your Father and I love you. You know that. And we would love anyone you loved. But you do have your future to think about. We raised you into a fine adult capable of standing on your own two feet. But, face it, ...

Billy: Mom!!!

Mom: Well, she never did get around to wearing those Jimmy Choo's I gave her on her birthday last year, now did she? And why is that? Everyone else is going open toed this year. And what are you going to do if you ever want to have children? You could at least think about them if your Father and I don't mean enough to you. The Ryersons didn't even come to the picnic today. And I just know it's because she's here.

God! Can't you just sense the underlying hate in that? It's just so, so liberating, that's the word I'm looking for. Just makes me long for a simpler time back in the day when America was great and everyone knew what we stood for ... and stood against.

Think about it, at least consider giving hate a chance. I'm convinced we can change the world for the better but we need to start now before it's too late. We've certainly tried it the other way long enough.

And now you know just where to begin. Go on, look at her. Looks at those toes. Ewww! Now take your best shot. Believe me, it'll make you feel good inside. After all, it isn't like she's normal, or anything. You'll thank me for it later. I promise. I mean, look, if you can't hate someone for their toes, kee-rist, there might not be any hope for you at all.

We have to learn to embrace the hate, my friends - trust me, it's the path to a better America in our time ... and so much less streeful. Consider giving hate a chance. Hell, we've tried just about everything else.

Did I ever tell you the one about the disproportionaly-toed guy who walked ... eh, better save that one for another day ... when I'm not feeling so serious.

Comments

[jeff]

:::COUGH:::

And where does the foot meme come from, HMMM?

[Dan]

From you, of course, oh wise and wonderful cultural blog god, from you. But it wasn't my province to mention it before your piece comes out.

[Ron]

Some of my best friends were disproportionately-toed. I have disproportionately-toed friends. I think it adds to our cultural diversity to have disproportionately-toed people living among us. I once knew a disproportionately-toed person.

Personally, I go for the hate-the-camel-jockey meme. Goldstein just can't stand the competition and where's the wisdom in protein?

[Rae]

Thanks, Dan for the ummm, sympahty! I can't at all help how I was born....and here you go screwing up my subversive plans of milking the government and other hard working people. ;p

[Rhod]

This is an interesting topic (not the toe thing, but the ethnic thing). Could Inspector Clousseau refer to Cato as a "little yellow devil" in this atmosphere? Of course not. And it's going to get worse if interest groups seek to have verbal judgements and distinctions outlawed. Especially, religious judgements, which are quickly becoming illegal across Canada. If not, prove me wrong. Hate speech legislation only imposes a grim and murky conformity on diverse populations. This is dangerous.

I grew up in two places. The Deep American South and the factory towns of the Northeast in the 1950's; in both regions distinctions and differences were more acute than they are today, and everyone knew it. More acute, and more easily acknowledged. If you substract racism for the moment, ethnic distinctions were relieved and diminished by POINTING THEM OUT! Everyone knew where the dark humor in comparing groups crossed over into real prejudice, and maybe this was its purpose.

It relieved pressure among groups attempting to melt together, revealed the threats and exposed good will (where it existed) with satire. Even racism, in many cases, was sanitized a little bit by light teasing. Unfortunately only one group could do it.

People always manage to find ways to coexist if the dominant culture is uniform and widely accepted. Governments and do-gooders always manage to screw this arrangement up. I should add that a notable religion which has contaminated itself with the lunacies of European fascism will ALSO screw it up if it isn't severely beaten back.