Do Muslims Shave Their Arse? The Dingleberry Chronicles

h/t to Jeff at Beautiful Atrocities for this Tim Worstall post, which basically asks the question - Did the prisoners at Abu Ghraib shave their butt holes in keeping with Muslim tradition. Perhaps some background wouldn't hurt at this point.

From Ask the Imam we learn this:

Q: Do we have to shave scrotum? What exactly is 'hind parts' that we have to shave?

A: One has to shave the scrotum. By hind parts is meant the circle around the anus, as faeces could get attached to any hair present there.

Far be it from me to impart wisdom to an Imam, but as I understand it, the feces particles in question are more properly termed dingle berries. In attempting to discern whether or not the Muslim community suffers from a dingle berry problem, perhaps through some general laxness in compliance with fundamentalist teachings, I sought the advice of noted Muslim Arseologist Dr. Hadha Badwon Hangeen.

Dr. Hangeen explained that the tradition of Muslim arse shaving started with an old tribal conflict involving a former sect which had been based somewhere inside contemporary Iran. Today descendants of the sect are known by the common name Shabazz - evidently not always the case.

A leader of the sect now associated with the surname Shabazz had made off with a young bride from a nearby tribe. After much inter-tribal fighting and her subsequent return - she recounted how she had been repeatedly sexually abused by her captors and disclosed, much to her captors embarrassment, that the men of the tribe all seemed to suffer from a condition the people of the time referred to as shit balls - or dingle berries, in contemporary terminology. Consequently, the offending Iranian sect became widely known as the Shit balls clan.

The Iranian Shit balls were mocked far and wide throughout the Muslim world, both for their crime and for their disturbing condition. The term Shit ball became both a common slur of the day as well as the tribes moniker. Eventually an Imam of the tribe issued a fatwa making arse shaving compulsory and the trend eventually took hold throughout the Muslim world. As an aside, the Iranian sect did, to some degree, eventually succeed in shedding the shit ball stigma, changing their name to Shabazz, which means royal, generous, noble. However, a great many in the world community continue to insist that some Iranian-based groups are still really nothing more than a bunch of dirty shit balls.

When pressed for a broader understanding of the religious context for the practice of arse shaving, Dr. Hadha Badwon Hangeen began to wax metaphorically of his grand vision for an Islamic fundamentalist world government. "The West does just not understand the world view of the fundamentalist Muslim," Hangeen insisted. "This is all far more than some simple act of communal ass cleaning. It is about purity. Just as we pluck the ignoble shit ball from our arse, one day, Allah willing, we will purge the infidels from all lands and establish the next great Caliphate through out the world."

Dr. Hangeen seemed disturbed when I pointed out to him that, in fuller context, his chosen metaphor seemed to depict his brand of Islamic fundamentalism as little more than some conglomerate asshole of the world very much in need of a sound flushing with a good bidet.

Comments

[Ron]

In the words of the English Parliament; hear! hear!

[Rae]

A bit unusual isn't it that one dingleberry=infidel.

[Beth]

Funniest shit (no pun intended) I've read all day!

[Rhod]

You're absolutely right about this, however. This issue was discussed at length on Blair's blog, but not with such precision as here. These guys DO shave themselves, although I'm uncertain about scroti defoliation.

The topic didn't come up, but if they engage in this practice, it explains why they're so pissed off all the time. What constitutes a five o'clock shadow? And beard-itch and prickliness? And the after-shave application is awful to think about!

This might explain the entire Muslim world, the anger of Muslim males. The shear logistics of the enterprise, the twisting, quality control and lighting are difficult in themselves.

We need a UN Commission on Corn Rows (pardon the imbedded joke) to encourage these guys to braid rather than shave. This could change the dynamic in the Middle East.

[Fonetics]

The perils of the unshaven asshole :

http://photos1.flickr.com/3210229_6d8fa21362.jpg

[Dingleberry Crusader]

See, if they'd use the Koran to properly wipe their asses, then they wouldn't have to worry about dingleberries!

On an added note, this means that being a muslim in San Francisco can be quite dangerous! I mean, imagine getting down on all fours and flashing your hairy muslim ass so that "Pierre" at the local "Unisex Salon" can shave it! You'd never know what you may have coming!

[Unknow]

LOL Dingleberry it scares me to see how uneducated you are. You must be the world stupidest person.I mean you take stupid to a hole new Level way beyond George Bush Congratulations AssHole. On behalf of all people good and evil do us all a favor and go FUCK YOUR SELF!!!!!!!! Thank you

[Unknow]

LOL Dingleberry it scares me to see how uneducated you are. You must be the world stupidest person.I mean you take stupid to a hole new Level way beyond George Bush Congratulations AssHole. On behalf of all people good and evil do us all a favor and go FUCK YOUR SELF!!!!!!!! Thank you

[Saul Wall]

Given that electric razors and hair removal cream are inventions of infidels it must be difficult getting this done with a sword.