Dear Doc Cletis

Ed Note - Dr. Everon Cletis McKinty is a licensed family Psychologist in Duane County and holds advanced degrees from Mt. Kimble Junior College and the Tennesee Valley Authority. His 'Ask Doc Cletis' column appears weekly in the Fayetteville Gazette.

Dear Doc Cletis,

As a Father and a single parent I am struggling with what may seem a small problem to some but is proving to be a very difficult issue for me and mine. It's my youngest who is thirteen. They came to me and said that they have suddenly started to experience almost constant erections, evidently lots of constant erections. When the two oldest boys experienced something like this, mostly my wife dealt with the issue. Fact is, that may have something to do with why I now have my youngest, who I will not name for obvious reasons, and no longer have my wife.

They said they have been experiencing these almost constant erections at school, at church and even in the home. I guess that previous experience prepared me to expect this with boys. But is it right that my daughter is now experiencing this same thing?

Please Help,

Annonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Billy Ray, Jr., is that you? Hell, it has to be you. Everyone knows your oldest knocked up the old lady before she left town with that trailer hitch salesman. Man, that musta been a bitch. Why didn't you write? Good to know your still alive, Bubba. You oughta come up the house sometime. Well go down the river maybe wet a line.

Yeah, little Jessie is gving it up quicker than an Iraqi soldier with an M1A Abrams on his ass, Billy, sorry to say. Didn't know Pastor Watson was tappin' it, too, though. Man he is a snake, is he not! Even had alittle taste a that fine maple sugar myself one day last week when I was passing through Mountain Grove. I heard that little gal a yourin got her legs up in the air more'n a tummy stroked dog with a bad case of the ass mange, heyah!

Relax, little gals just gettin her sea legs, Billy. Doubt she'll even be whelping pups for another year or two. And might I say that sure is a fine little set of sea legs, too, if it ain't bein' too forward. Just you try and not get into any of that stuff yourself, least ways til she hits sixteen. Something like that too early in a youngins days can traumatize for life, or so I hear.

Let me know if there's anything more I can do, pardner. Might even make it a point to drop over the house sometime soon, see how things are going. I'll be sure and leave regards if I get by sometime when you're out.

Be sure and look in on Rachael Ray Redux for a tasty, trashy recipe, CrankyNeocon, Six Meat Buffet and Vince Aut Morire, for "White Trash Wednesday." My contributuions will be coming up throughout the day and evening.

Comments

[Beth]

got her legs up in the air more'n a tummy stroked dog with a bad case of the ass mange
What, did you get that line from Dan Blather?

[Dan]

Don't go bringing CBS into this - these documents are NOT forged.