My Dearest Dick,
As a staunch supporter, it pains me that I am compelled to write you with criticism over an issue of great import. I have become aware that you, Dick Cheney, and Halliburton, knowingly altered the world's global climatic condition. Evidently this manipulation has resulted in the recent significant loss of life, land and treasure though out much of the southern hemisphere.
Now, there are some things which, as a staunch supporter of you, Dick Cheney, and Haliburton, I am prepared to endure. However, on top of the recent tragedy to our south, you must also be aware of some recent severe climatic anomalies in the Northeastern United States - with more cold and snow predicted as I type.
If you wish to demolish and otherwise endanger a greater part of the southern hemisphere so as to pave the way for the latest go-round in the Coke vs. Pepsi battle, that is your business, as my firm is small and not global in nature. However, when your shenanigans start f*cking around with the weather in my backyard, well, I'm afraid that's where I must draw a line.
Perhaps you are unaware that I am a blogger? You have been paying attention to the news, I would imagine, yes? Are you by any chance aware of the power we bloggers yield today? For your sake, I most certainly hope so. My blog, the Riehl World View, is viewed by approximately 200 and some odd visitors a day per my most recent site meter average.
Okay, I will concede that I do visit some myself - which, I understand, does not fully count. And, yes, there are likely some friends and family that may, on occasion, visit multiples times per day, as well. So, let's call it, maybe, I don't know, 183 - 196 some odd visitors a day - fair enough? By the way, Dick, I also know that some of them are bloggers, too. Perhaps they should count as double? But I digress.
The point is Dick, and Haliburton, we are a united and a terrible force with which, I assure you, you do not want to f*ck. This ain't the New York Times, Dicky boy. Got it? You have heard the name "Rather, " I presume? I thought so.
Now, I suggest that beginning next year a cold snap and a sprinkling of snow from, say, 4 - 6 inches on Christmas Eve, to start no earlier than 6pm EST when the malls close, would be more than sufficient for the year. I am a reasonable man and do not at all begrudge some sacrifice to acknowledge our beloved Savior's birth, just so long as it does not interrupt the Xmas shopping season. With, and I must emphasize this, an accompanying warm front to begin at approximately 2 AM on December 26th. That should leave the roads more than clear and dry for commerce the following day.
As an aside, I would also like to speak with you as regards rain and the effects thereof on rising streams during the early weeks of trout season in the Northeast. But I will defer to what I am certain are the many demands on your time and limit this current missive to the simple affairs of business.
Thank you for all of your time and due consideration. Please give my best to George. I look forward to your prompt reply.
Yours in Good Faith and Business,
Dan
PS -- To ensure that you do not take this issue too lightly, you should also be aware that I am Blog Rolled as a Member in Good Standing of Blogs for Bush (See, we link things here, Dick. Feel the power?) and I also freely donated approximately $35 and change at a Kiwanis Club event I attended this previous year. I do have the tax receipt to substantiate that claim should you require same.
PPS -- Please forgive me, but I'm afraid I failed to mention recent events regarding a shortage of fuel oil in our tank here at home. If at all possible, could you please also ask Donny to tell his men, one of which is a relative, to start killing more of those Iraqi bast*rds sooner so as to prevent further interruption in my service? Thank you, again.
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