All Right You Slackers

I've just about had it with you. And you know who you are, too - the  got-damned silent majority. Just look what you're doing to this old broad. Most times I swear she's off her nut already and I'm blaming YOU, the non-commenter for making it worse. That's right. Oh, it isn't like you don't comment "some places" and I know others, too. Hundreds of you come by here everyday with nary a peep out of your sorry fingers.

And don't think I don't know where you go at night, or what you're up to, either. You'd be amazed at what my little site meter tells me. Sure, you give it all up for love somewhere else, then you straggle your bedraggled asses over here and just take, take, take! I'm sick of it, I tell you, plum sick. Is it really worth it? What you're doing to us, I mean? Is it? Can't you at least ask yourselves that question ... for me?

What's the matter, don't I do enough for you. You have to insult me by giving yourself to people like them for a quick little Wiz Bang, thank ya, Dang! And in the name of what, fun? Or maybe so you can rub elbows with the people at the office and tell them how you post on a blog that gets mentioned by the AP, WP and WSJ. Well, La Dee Da Dee effing Da, ain't you just so special! Real nice, Mr. Big shot. And by the time you get here, what? You don't even have enough energy left to type a little semi-colon? let alone a "How was your day, Dan?" or a "Gee, you look nice tonight, Dan." Nooooo! That would take too much of your precious effin' time, I suppose. Well ..., I sure hope you're proud of yourself, because I've had it. How would you like to come here and start finding this on the right waiting for you, smarty pants, huh? How would you like that, Mr. or Ms. Big Blog Reader around the town? Why should I slave to try and keep a nice blog so you can come in at all hours, slide your mouse over and around me when you feel like it, click your little browser button until your globe stops spinning and then ... just go away, ... leaving me with nothing..., without ...even ...saying ...goodbye? Admit it, we never talk. How can I help but feel you don't appreciate me?

gawd ... All right, look, ... I promised ... myself I wasn't .. going to ... get upset here ... just, please..., give me a minute, ... k'?

Whew! Okay, ... I'm better now. So, maybe I'm not the best blogger. I know. And things haven't always been easy for us. But I try. I know I'm sometimes like a Poweline with less intellect, bad typing skills and ADD; or sometimes a BA or PW without that special gift, or vision. But, dammit, No. I am not going to let you make this about me! You're not getting off that easy, buster.

I do have some commenters, you know. Oh, yeah, that's right. You aren't the only fish in the sea Mr. or Ms. I'm Just Clickin' Through, So Kiss My Ass Big Shot. And you know what? What few I do have are mostly tough guys, that's right, former GI's - ex-military MEN. You get what I'm saying? And today starts a whole new world, quiet person.

My commenters, listen up! We're lean, we're mean - well, actually, we're only a little over weight and barely even balding - but we're not going to take this shit anymore, you hear me? You see this guy's blog comments? Oh yeah, he's real cool - what with his soap opera digests and his snarky effete polls. Oh, he's Jeffffff so special. Now, idn't he? Well, eff him! Men, his commenters are going down. I've watched them, their pithy little piffling responses and oh so inside cutesy jokes - well, well, well, well, well. Gee, I'm so not impressed! It reads like a got-damned bad Seinfeld episode without Kramer over there if you ask me. And he's got ALL the broads for kee-rist sakes! Hear that, men? Women - Right Wing women, right here, baby.

But don't you worry about the women like this one, or this one, or this one, not for now - I'll worry about them. I need you guys to concentrate on the male commenters first. Shanghai their sorry asses and get them back here and get them to typing. And if anyone passes through while you're here, sit 'em down until they cough up some text. I'll hold off the girls, all except this one - I may need some help there. I think she's packing, and I may need help even if she isn't.

Now, once we get up to strength we're going after the big guy's commenters, gentlemen. That's right, PW. Don't let him scare ya. He's actually nothing but an over credentialed gym teacher with a Martha fixation - I heard tell he looks at Better Homes and Gardens in the bathroom, if you get my drift. Don't let the wit scare ya, sure, it might get bloody, but we'll prevail. We'll see how his commenters like a little taste of our protein wisdom, boys. There's a mess of 'em. Don't  be nervous. A little Kaopectate goes a long way and I got the med kit. You have to have vision for a fight like this.

I figure we get the first Jeff's male commenters over here, do a little Guantanamo shuffle on their man parts, while I win the hearts and minds of the ladies with a little beef cake posting so we quietly grow our ranks over time.

OK, maybe I shouldn't use the picture from the blog meet-up. I better try another one for the ladies. Suck in the gut until you hook 'em, guys; then let the ear hair and the stomach fall where it may, that's my philosophy. Pretty smart strategery, huh? I got big plans for us guys.

One day commentors from all over the blogosphere will be lined up at Instapundit and we'll be right there in the front, boys. And I'll be proud to have you all next to me when I say those magic words, "Mr. Reynolds, Tear Down This Wall!!" Now, let's saddle up!

Commentors one and two I want you to head over to Beautiful Atrocities now. Commentor three ... Commentor three??

COMMENTOR THREE?? Where the fuck is commenter three? Is Harry working late, again, tonight? Got-dammit, how in this blog damn army am I suppose to lead a revolution when even the numb nuts that will talk to me don't show up on time? It isn't his bowling night, is it?

Alright, ... stand down! Son of a bitch! Inconsistent damned all volunteer sissified freakin' commenters. You other boys, rest easy; better go read freaking Powerline or something, I don't know.

I'm gonna go cruise for free porn. Let's try it again tomorrow night.

And, men, ... let's watch the typos out there.

Got-damned Rumsfeld, I told him I needed more boots on the fucking ground. Sheat!

Comments

[Nickie Goomba]

Here! Here's your damned comment. Now I feel so dirty.

[Rhod]

Good job Nickie. Stick it to this whining oh-so-effing-touchy blogmaster. If this keeps up, I think I'll not comment elsewhere, maybe on Tim Blair's Aussie blog. There's a whole lot more profanity over there, too, and vicious parodies, which I like to read but not comment on.

[Dan]

Oh, great! Now I have a freaking mutiny. You two guys were supposed to be on MY side!! Wah!!!

And Rhod, if you wanna go kiss "roo" ass down under, well you just be my guest. Why anyone would rather comment to a guy who carries his nuts in a pouch is beyond me! ; )

And you, don't get me started, Goomba. If you were half the Goomba I thought you were you should be breakin' someone's legs and not my balls, bucko! ;)

[roz]

Rummy asked me to sidle over & lay a mercy post on ya

[Rae]

OMG-LOL, Dan, if you wanted a link or a comment or two, all you had to do was ask. Politely, of course ;)

P.S. It's not the beefcake pictures that Jeff puts up that draws me over to his site. It's his hilarity that gets my comments. But, uh, you know, after this post, I'm liking you even more (can't decide if it's how funny the post is, or all the traffic you've generated to me [Thank you].... :D )

[Rae]

Oh, and ummm, where's my site in your blogroll?

[pkok]

Okay, I admit it. I sneak over here regularly just to check out your perverted view on life. I mean you are so conflicted! Really, which are you the nice, tidy, clean, folded laundry in the traditional "family values" style wicker laundry basket, or, are you the laundry room loner depicted?- (please tell me that is NOT feces on the floor...)

Now do you feel better?

[Ron]

Oh where is the gratitude, you ingreat. I type meaningless drivel here all the time and never get one lousy link! Oops, forgot, I don't have a place to link to. Anyway, how dare you post a picture of my room without first asking permission. Notice something missing? Hmmmn? Yeah, budrow, it's my garden tools that are still sitting in your damn garage.

Got any good wino pics? Eh? That'll drag 'em in, just begging to comment.

[Rhod]

Crikey! (Aussie patois). Look at the comments!
BTW Dan, I see you commenting all over the place on other blogs as "Dan M", so it comes easy to you. Inarticulate low-class WASP's like me and quiet, mysterious Eye-talians like Nickie find it a little harder. (Look what he did to you, Nickie. He PROFILED you..breaking legs and all that).

You know what happens here, Dan? When you say something, there isn't much left to say. And you haven't drawn in the Dem Underground or Move-On contingent to introduce some stupidity we can attack and vilify. That would be fun.

[Dan]

Look, company! A wise man learns that life's too short to be ashamed of begging from a woman for some things. ; )

Roz, tell Rummy to stay the course, damn he must piss off the left.

Rae, consider it done. And I'm glad it was good for you, too!

And Pkok, as one of my favorite poets once wrote, "Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes." Between that and way too many seriously kick ass drugs in the late seventies, your guess is as good as mine how I might wake up in the morning.

Rhod, I have no idea who Dan M is, so, I hope he's good. lol

[jeff]

Sondra is definitely packing, Dan. Good luck ;p

[chrys]

Rae has one of the best sites I've run into - (again then again and again here;-D) That makes it really scarey to know if she's not on your blog-roll - I'll never be able to make something good enough to qualify! Thanks for the links ;-)
I've got good plans and "should?!" be able to catch up with you and Rae in the not too distant future?! Oh well - we can dream can't we - at least you give me places to build and places "not" to build - good training session ;)

[chrys]

wheeew - what a relief - had to check to see if Rae was on your "blogroll" - that makes my "site building" adventure a little less intimidating;-D

[!]

yehaw!!! :O)

[LALady]

how did you get a picture of my laundry room????